Oh no, he’s walking towards me. Crap. Okay, what do I do? What are my options? I guess I could make a run for it. But I’m pretty sure he’s already seen me; I can’t run now. Wow, I really regret not wearing my camouflage outfit today — I could’ve blended right in with these bushes. Maybe today’s the day I straight up tell him that I’m not interested. Ha, who am I kidding, I know I’ll never have the guts to do that. Maybe this time he won’t hug me. Okay, here he comes. Just take a deep breath, and try to act like you’re not interested at all. Great. Perfect. He hugged me. No no no, I do not want to go on a date with you. WHY DID I JUST SAY YES?
We’ve all been through this — that friend or acquaintance we’re just not that into. And we innocently play along, flirting leading them on until, boom, you’ve dug yourself into a hole you just can’t get out of. All of a sudden, he’s bringing you flowers, or he’s paying for dinner, or he’s putting his arms around your shoulders, or he’s calling you at night. What just happened? You weren’t purposefully trying to flirt; it was just for fun. How did this happen, and now he’s calling me his “bae”?! What does that even really mean?
This is the perfect time to pull out this power all ladies have been graced with, also known as “friend-zoning.” Friend-zoning comes in handy when you don’t like the guy at all, or when you have a boyfriend, or when you only truly see the guy as a friend.
How To Successfully Friend-Zone
Scenario 1: Now it depends, if this is a guy you don’t even want to be friends with, and all you want to do now is give off all the wrong signals, then this task is the easiest. Maybe don’t shower once in a while — that BO will drive him away. Or stick some food in your teeth. He won’t be able to even stand to look at your smile with last night’s dinner wedged between your front teeth. Do everything wrong. Stop wearing makeup, or vice versa, cover yourself in makeup on another day. That tacky bright blue eye shadow you’ve kept since junior prom may come in handy after all. If after seeing all your imperfections, and he still likes you, maybe you got yourself a keeper – or a freak, you choose.
Scenario 2: If you have a boyfriend, this is also (in theory) pretty simple. Mention your boyfriend, and voila, the guy has been automatically pulled into the friend-zone. If that doesn’t work, tell your boyfriend about this guy, and I’m pretty sure he would be more than happy to swoop by and teach him a lesson. Heck, you could even fake a boyfriend if you want to friend-zone a guy, and if he finds out, hopefully that will give him the idea that you’re just not that interested.
Scenario 3: This is the stickiest situation to deal with. When your best friend all of a sudden starts to fall for you, it’s hard to stick him right into the friend-zone without hurting his feelings. Keep telling him how much you like having him around as a friend. Start calling him “dude,” “bro,” or “homie.” Another way would be to tell him that you feel like his sister. If you’re really bold, tell him that he’s like a dad to you. Hopefully that one will kill it.
I hope you don’t take this to heart, because (most of it) was a joke. Because in all honesty, putting someone in the friend-zone is seriously one of the hardest things to do, especially successfully. Usually, it ends up with the guy ignoring you for months, you feeling miserable about hurting his feelings or feeling awkward whenever he’s around. The (real) best thing to do is to tell the guy and be straightforward about it. The sooner you tell him that you’re not interested, the better.
But hey, if you really want to go all out and try not showering for a couple days to get rid of him, please be my guest. Let me know if it works.