Flowers blooming, the UV getting higher and the days getting longer are telltale signs that spring is upon us. Spring is the perfect time to refresh more than just your wardrobe, it’s also a chance to reflect on the people in your life. Friendships should feel safe, supportive and energizing. But sometimes, I find myself holding onto relationships that no longer align with who I’m becoming. And I know I’m not alone. If you’ve been feeling off about a friendship lately, here are 10 signs it might be time to lovingly let go and make space for something better, more fulfilling.
- They only reach out when they need something.
“Hey I know we haven’t talked in a while, but is there any way you could…” is a classic move for a friend you might not want in your life anymore. If you notice that someone in your life consistently reaches out for favors or information and gossip (because yes, that’s also unhealthy), it might be time to reevaluate their spot in your social circle. A healthy friendship is one filled with respect and love, and while yes, doing favors for friends is a totally normal love language and way to show your love, there is a difference.
- You feel drained after hanging out with them.
You’re supposed to leave a hangout with your friends with your ribs aching from laughing, feeling recharged or at least emotionally seen. You are not supposed to feel like you just ran a marathon with no medal at the end. If you constantly feel exhausted, anxious or down after spending time with someone, your body and mind might be telling you something. Healthy friendships should feel like an escape, not a weird prison.
- They constantly make passive-aggressive comments or “jokes” at your expense.
“You’re so sensitive!” is not a valid response to someone pointing out that a “joke” wasn’t funny — it was mean. If a friend constantly pokes fun at things you’re insecure about, talks down to you in group settings or uses sarcasm as a cover for subtle digs, that’s emotional immaturity wrapped in a gaslighting bow. And no, you’re not crazy for feeling like crap for being the butt of every joke, and it doesn’t make you a downer, your friend needs to find an original bit.
- They don’t celebrate your wins, or worse, they downplay them
When you get good news, you should be excited to share it with your people. A promotion, lifestyle milestone or even a good grade on a paper is something to be applauded, not brushed to the side. If someone rolls their eyes, changes the subject or gives a dry “cool” when you share something meaningful, that’s a red flag. Real friends want to see you thrive and will be so excited to hype you up when you do.
- They gossip about other friends… and you wonder if they do the same about you.
If they’re always spilling someone else’s secrets, you have to wonder: what are they saying when you’re not around? This one is tricky, because gossip is pretty hard to avoid sometimes. I am talking about mean-spirited talk about someone they pretend to love three seconds later. Trust is a two-way street, and constant trash talking can be a sign of insecurity, competitiveness or even a desire to stir drama. Friends should lift each other up, not tear others down for entertainment.
- You’re always the one initiating plans, texts, or check-ins.
Friendship is not a one-sided group project. If you’re the one constantly texting first, making plans or checking in on their life, and that effort isn’t being returned, it can start to feel pretty lonely. Consistency is key, and friendships thrive when both people want to be in them equally.
- They make you feel guilty for setting boundaries.
A true friend respects your need for space, rest or alone time. If someone gets defensive, pouty or lashes out when you try to establish healthy boundaries, that’s not love, it’s control. Boundaries are how we protect our peace, and anyone who resents that may not have your best interests at heart. Note: this point can contradict the previous one if someone is trying to make plans to hang out and you don’t answer in the name of alone time. Make sure to communicate your needs. The boundary is not set when you think it,it is set when you communicate it.
- They act differently around other people or leave you out of plans.
Does their energy change depending on who’s in the room? Do they suddenly become distant, dismissive or overly performative around certain groups? Worse, have you found out about plans you weren’t invited to? Friendship shouldn’t feel like a popularity contest or a secret club. You deserve consistency and inclusion.
- They don’t respect your values, goals, or growth.
As you evolve, your friendships should grow with you. If someone mocks your ambitions, doesn’t take your passions seriously or pressures you to stay the version of yourself you’ve outgrown, it’s okay to lovingly outgrow them too. You don’t need to shrink to fit into an old dynamic. This point is especially relevant in college, do not sacrifice your motivations, passions or youth on a friend who doesn’t love every version of you.
- You’ve outgrown the friendship—but you’re holding on out of nostalgia.
Sometimes the hardest friendships to let go of are the ones that were good once. However just because someone was there for you at one point doesn’t mean they’re meant to be there forever. It’s okay to honor what that friendship was without forcing it to still be what it is not. I find this particularly relevant with high school friendships. A whole new chapter of our life is so exciting, don’t get trapped in the past.
Letting go of a friendship doesn’t mean there’s hatred or drama, it can just mean you’re choosing peace, growth and mutual respect. As you spring clean your circle, remember: it’s okay to make space for the kind of friendships that truly nourish you. You deserve that kind of love.