One thing that I was not prepared for when I transitioned into the college lifestyle was the dating scene. From frat boys, to athletes, to in class crushes– my life has been full of options. Having to adjust to this weird climate has been quite challenging, but also rewarding (a slight hint for what’s to come in this article). College is the perfect place for experimenting with your own emotions, new experiences, and new perspectives. Everyone else is in the same boat as you, kind of at least. We all come into this environment with different ideas of what we are looking for. Some people come in knowing exactly what they want, whether that be a relationship, a hook-up, a friends with benefits situation… but most of us end up in the same place. Situationships.Â
Let me be the first to say, what the hell is a situationship? Having to explain this concept to my parents was one of the hardest (and silliest) things I’ve ever done, and after explaining it, I realized how stupid it sounds. A situationship, for those of you who don’t know, is basically a halfway point to a relationship. A relationship without official commitment. A way to *technically* get away with sleeping around. In my experience (and my friends), a situationship just seems like the best way for a guy to be with a girl, but not officially, so that he can still linger around other people. Relationships, situationships… they’re both so difficult to describe because of how vastly they can differ from person to person. And don’t even get me started on the idea of “exclusivity”, because it is definitely not guaranteed in a situationship, unless made super clear. This is my experience and thoughts on situationships, and dating in college.Â
Situationships can be really hard, exciting, fun, and frustrating. I’ve seen firsthand how girls can drain themselves and lose themselves in experiencing this. For many young women, college is like a zoo. Their first time really away from home, with nobody in charge but yourself, filled with new people. It can be scary and overwhelming. It’s a whole new playing ground.Â
When I met my now boyfriend of almost a year and a half, I had never really been in a serious relationship before, and I also hadn’t made any significant progress with anyone else that went to my college. Because of this, our relationship set a lot of precedents in my eyes of things that I hadn’t experienced before. For example, I didn’t know we were going to have an entire conversation of if we were exclusive or not. Like truly, I had never been asked “Are we exclusive?” before in my life. I was shocked. Culture shocked. But I guess it made sense. We hadn’t had that talk yet, and I truly was just taking it day by day with him because I had no expectations of anything. So the more time we spent together, the more clarity I got with him.Â
On that note, because I haven’t experienced this with anyone else, I don’t necessarily know if this is normal or not. But I gather from my consensus of friends who have dated athletes, frat guys, and co-workers that one thing is clear– boys are confusing, and that doesn’t change in college.Â
I guess my point of this article is to give some advice to college women. You should know what you’re looking for when you start getting to know someone. You shouldn’t let them change you. If you’re looking for a one night stand, that is great for you! If you’re looking for a relationship and something a little more serious, don’t let someone talk you out of it, or not give you what you want. Everyone deserves someone that they want, and that wants them right back. You shouldn’t have to fight for someone to stay, you shouldn’t have to convince someone not to leave or hook up with other people, if that’s not what you want.Â
Situationships are definitely not ideal, at least in my opinion. Quite literally everything is left for interpretation, and can be swayed to benefit either party. But at the end of the day, you live and you learn. In college, you will discover so much about yourself, so it’s important to lean into that!