Navigating a long-term relationship in college is only sometimes a walk in the park. Between classes, work, and extracurriculars, it can quickly become all-consuming. Whether your relationship is long distance or you are both working through the same college, any relationship during which you’re still developing your personality, career, and future is put to the ultimate test – change. I have been in a relationship for over four years, and through it all, we have successfully made it through demanding coursework, difficult work schedules, and even long distance. And despite all that, we persevered – and I’m here to share my advice in those similar situations.
Finding Balance and Embracing Individuality
My boyfriend and I are from the same hometown, which allowed us to spend extra time together as I did my first year of college from home. We both moved to Chico the following year, where he attended Butte College. After finally coming to the Chico State campus (after spending my freshman year at home due to COVID), I wanted to get back into the swing of things and get involved as much as possible on campus. It felt great to get back to the normalcy of school and being busy, but I also felt bad about not spending as much time with him. What helped me find balance was that he never held me back or made me feel bad about it. He encouraged everything that I was passionate about and wanted me to get involved and make the most of my experience.
My advice: Don’t let your relationship consume you throughout college. These are the years you never get back. In a healthy relationship, your partner should support your goals, and if you feel as if they are holding you back, then it’s time to have an open and honest conversation about what you need in terms of support.
Quality Time and Communication
The first two years we lived in Chico for school, we lived separately from each other but still managed to spend time with each other. To help ease the business of our schedules, we made a point to get together on Monday nights and cook dinner for my roommates. He often took charge because he is the better cook, but this effort to spend time with me and my friends made all the difference and made me appreciate our Monday night ritual. We also made it a point to communicate with each other when our social energy was drained or if one of us was feeling stressed about work, school, or anything at all. We always checked in with each other and ensured our time was well spent recharging and supporting each other.
My advice: You DO NOT need to spend every moment with each other. Focusing on the quality of the time you spend with each other makes it that much better. Instill a weekly or monthly ritual that you do together; this can help you get through hectic times and give you both something to look forward to. Also, be very open and communicative with each other about the things going on in your life, and don’t bottle up the stress.
Working Through Change
In my fourth year at Chico State, I moved into a house with another friend. Living together made it easier on our busy schedules, but it doesn’t automatically solve everything. It’s hard for some to imagine having to put in effort once you live together, but I have some news—you do. Once we lived together, we realized that we still had to work within our relationship and support each other even more at the end of the day.
My advice: It’s important to understand that just because you share a space together doesn’t mean that you stop nurturing your relationship. The first time you move in together is a big change, but it’s something that shouldn’t be taken for granted. Enjoy the little moments.
Surviving Long-Distance and Unpredictable Schedules
My boyfriend graduated from Butte College in December 2023 and landed on a new career path as a wildland firefighter. He started a new program in May, and we entered a whole new challenge. His new job meant he had to live at the center full-time and work the majority of the week. On top of that, I accepted an internship that required me to move to Wyoming for the summer. By the time we saw each other again, we had spent a total of 98 days apart. It was hard on both of us, but we knew it was only temporary, and we stayed connected as much as we could, even though our phone calls were often brief due to Chico’s fire season.
My advice: Distance can be hard, but it doesn’t have to break you apart. Communication is vital, but so is acceptance. His pursuit of firefighting and my moving to Wyoming were both things that were important to each other and our careers, and we knew that about each other. Understanding your partner’s passions and dreams means making sacrifices – but only for a short amount of time. Know that the time apart is just a tiny aspect of your story. Celebrate your milestones and achievements together – don’t get caught up in the temporary.
Looking Toward the Future, But Don’t Forget the Present
My boyfriend and I discuss our future a lot, and it helps to keep us grounded in the present—because we don’t know where we’ll be career-wise in a year. We know that everything we’re working towards will ultimately build a life we want together. Talking about our future together also keeps us in touch with what we want from life. We also tend to get so caught up in worrying about the future that we must remind ourselves to stop and remember the present before it passes.
My advice: Keep the future in mind when the going gets tough. Focusing on your future together and your shared goals makes it easier when the short-term challenges come throughout college and career navigation. While looking ahead, though, don’t forget to enjoy today’s little moments.
Long-term relationships (or any length of relationships) in college can come with complex challenges, but they also are incredibly rewarding. My relationship has taught me how to balance my priorities, navigate change, and grow alongside someone I love. If you’re experiencing some of the same things, just remember that every hard part of your relationship is just a small part of your story. Work hard together, and don’t lose sight of how far you’ve come and where you’re going – together.