Last fall, I transferred from my local community college to Chico State. Even before then, most of my closest friends had already settled into the colleges they’re currently attending, scattered across the country. It’s always bittersweet when those you hold so much love for are moving on to do bigger and better things. As they are venturing through this new and exciting path, they are also now resided in a place far, far away from you. I remember some of my first goodbyes with friends I’ve known for years, along with the weight the lack of their presence initially held. I remember a considerable amount of adults in my life telling me that not all childhood friendships last, and that I would make new connections when I went off to school, too. This fall, years after being told not to take it personally when my friends and I naturally drifted apart, we couldn’t be closer. Here’s a few things I’ve learned along the way that have helped my friends and I stay in the loop, time differences and varying schedules packed tighter than your one free carry-on with Southwest be damned.Â
Weekly Audio Message Check-Ins
When I’m laying in bed at night, reflecting on my day, I sometimes think to myself, “Did I really do that this morning?” More now in college than ever, my days feel so long, and so much happens even within just a few hours. Keeping this in mind, my friends and I make sure to send each other little life updates at the end of each week. The longer they are, the more entertaining my next morning becomes when I have the privilege of getting ready while listening to a podcast episode hosted by my friends, specifically curated towards me. This is also really beneficial for the instances when we do get the chance to FaceTime and I don’t have to ask stupid questions in the middle of a story like, “Wait, who’s that again? What did they do?” If you think about it that way, it’s a real time-saver.Â
Hangouts Can Be Virtual, Too:
I honestly think one of the most devastating things about watching your friends move away is the fact that you don’t get to spend time doing an activity together anymore. It’s something so customary that we don’t know to miss it until it’s gone. It was really difficult for me at first to accept that I no longer would be able to watch movies with these friends while baking, play stressful competition video games with them, or even just scroll on TikTok as they were sitting right next to me doing the exact same thing. However, fairly quickly settling in as long-distance friends, we all arrived at the understanding that this could still be reality. Now that it’s October, I will begin replicating Taylor Swift’s chai sugar cookie recipe after pressing play on a scary movie at the exact same time as one of my friends on the other side of the phone. I can hop onto a group FaceTime call before we all login to the same online game, and play against each other on a joint server. When I call my friends, it eventually reaches a point where we’re both on TikTok anyways, and there’s a feature on FaceTime that lets you share your screen so that we’re able to react to the shenanigans of Moo Deng the hippo together in real time. Is it exactly the same? Of course not, but we’ve been able to make plenty of new memories together that I’ll cherish just the same.Â
Writing Letters:Â
Alright, I guess I should preface this one by saying that words of affirmation are my love language. Ever since I was little, I would write these extensive notes on birthday cards and eventually the habit blossomed into writing birthday letters to all of my friends. It soon became a tradition in my friend group when we lived close by one another, handing out the letters at school during every birthday we celebrated. Now it’s become a regular occurrence between us. Birthdays, holidays, national best friends day, biweekly payday, the third Tuesday of the month, you name it. My mood is lifted instantaneously whenever I receive a letter, and speaking on behalf of my friends, they feel the same way. It’s always a nice feeling to have something tangible in your possession that was made out of love.
So yes, we’re not together all the time anymore. And yes, we’re growing into the people we’re meant to be separately. But let this be a testament for anyone who’s been made to believe the same pessimistic notions by others in their lives: you can make it work. Those who show up for you and make an effort to love and be loved by you are people you want to keep in your corner. While you make an abundance of wonderful new friends and memories here in Chico, allow yourself every so often to take a beat (or maybe walk around campus) and call up a long-distance friend to see how their day’s going. And let them know that you miss them.