It’s “no.” Although just two letters and one syllable, it’s one of the most impactful words out there. Here’s how saying no to others and saying yes to yourself can transform your self-care.
Navigating how to improve your mental health can be challenging; no one’s journey is never the same, and some are more complex than others.
What if I told you there’s a small habit you can build to help, and all it takes is learning to say one word? Can you guess what that word is?
Like many others, I know we’ve all had situations where we’re not feeling our best. It’s one of those days where everything seems gloomy, and you just feel like lying in bed, watching a random show, or scrolling on TikTok for hours. But then someone starts begging and pressuring you to go out or do an activity, even though you know your social battery can’t handle it.
Usually, we feel guilty for saying no. It might be because they’re saying things like, “Please, let’s go to the party. Do you really want to be that friend who leaves their friends to go out by themselves?” or, “I thought you were fun, but you don’t even want to go to the mall with me. You’re being boring.”
These micro-comments can trigger a storm of thoughts. You might start thinking, “Am I wrong for wanting to stay in? I don’t want to leave her by herself—what if something happens?” or, “It’s just the mall. What’s a couple of hours of shopping going to do? She’s right. Am I boring for not even wanting to go to the mall?”
This inner dialogue starts a war between your mental health and your desire to appease those around you. But what we rarely question is:
*Why must we sacrifice our mental well-being for others?*
Many people think saying no to an outing or turning down a favor is negative. But sometimes, setting boundaries is exactly what we need to relieve the social pressure.
Here are some scenarios where saying no is perfectly okay:
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Scenario #1
You just got home from school, only to find out you didn’t do well on a test. You’re not feeling motivated, and you just want to take a nap to avoid the stress of your grade. Your roommate is nagging you to go to the movies with her because a film she’s been looking forward to has just been released. Here’s one way you can politely turn her down:
*”I know you’ve been excited to see [movie title], but I don’t think today is good for me. I have a lot on my mind and won’t be able to focus. But if you want, we can plan to go next week instead, so we can both fully enjoy it!”*
It’s simple. You don’t have to over-explain your emotions, and you don’t completely dismiss her invitation. Instead, you offer a compromise that works for both of you.
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Scenario #2
You’re trying to save money for something important, like tuition, a trip, or a personal goal. Your mom asks to borrow money to buy a new purse she’s been eyeing. While you love your mom and want to help, you know this isn’t an urgent need, and lending her the money would set back your savings.
Here’s a way you can politely say no:
*”I know you’ve been wanting that purse, and it looks great, but I’m really focused on saving right now for [goal]. I hope you understand. Maybe we can look at it together later when there’s a sale, or I can help you find a more affordable option?”*
This response acknowledges her desire, explains your boundary, and offers a way to support her in a less financially taxing way. You’re setting limits without creating tension, which helps maintain the relationship while staying true to your priorities.
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Scenario #3
You’re in the middle of a busy week with looming deadlines, and a friend asks if you can take over part of their project because they’re “too stressed,” and the state “all our work is basically the same.” While you empathize, you know adding more to your plate would only increase your own stress.
Here’s how you can respond:
“I totally understand how overwhelming things can get, and I wish I could help. But right now, my workload is already maxed out, and I wouldn’t be able to get to yours on time. Maybe we can brainstorm other solutions “ This response validates their feelings while maintaining your boundaries. It also suggests problem-solving without taking on unnecessary stress yourself.
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Learning to say no is more than just setting boundaries, it’s an act of self-care and self-respect. It allows you to prioritize your mental and emotional well-being without feeling the need to sacrifice yourself for others’ expectations. While it’s not always easy, saying no in a thoughtful, kind, and firm way creates space for your own needs and helps build healthier relationships.
Remember, you’re not selfish for prioritizing your mental health. By choosing yourself, you’re showing up as your best self, not only for you but also for the people around you. The next time you feel torn between appeasing someone else and protecting your peace, don’t hesitate to use that small yet powerful word: no. It might just be the most freeing choice you make.