I have 6 weeks left of the semester. Let me rephrase, I have 6 weeks left of college. Being in the COVID-19 class (shoutout to anyone who graduated from high school in 2020), this is the first time I’ve really experienced actually living through the final weeks of my senior year. Particularly for college, I feel a plethora of emotions – excitement, anxiety, confusion, you name it. I’m somewhere between being terrified of the unknown, already missing being roommates and neighbors with my absolute best friends, and being ready to say goodbye to certain parts of Chico.
Chico has truly provided me with opportunities that have absolutely helped me work towards the woman I aspire to be. I’ve been the leader of a greek organization, I founded a club, I did well academically, and I met women who without a doubt will be in my wedding and my future kids’ nonbiological aunts. I owe so much of my growth to this town, the campus, the experiences, and the people here. For this reason, I don’t want to waste my final 40 days.
Originally for me, this looked like going out with my friends as much as possible and hitting every event I could. Honestly, it looked like going crazy and living out my final glory days as a college student. But, over the past two months, I’ve learned the importance of honoring my needs, cherishing my true friendships, and facing the reality of living with a mental health disorder. I can’t show up the way I pressured myself to for three years as a Chico State student, and that’s perfectly okay.
In such a transitional time like being 40 days away from your college graduation, it doesn’t always feel like an option to “rebrand.” I don’t mean get a new haircut, revamp your wardrobe, or anything of that sort (though a makeover is one of my favorite types of physically rebranding). I mean really reflecting on your life, habits, choices, and overall what has led you up to this point in you life – and deciding on what parts are serving you and what need to be let go. Honestly, I didn’t see this as an option until recently. I’ve gotten so comfortable in my patterns in Chico, what’s 6 more weeks?
I don’t know whether it’s the Mercury Retrograde, the eclipse, the timing, the burnout, or maybe a combination of everything, but I have felt every single part of my body and mind begging me to make a change. The truth is, my years in Chico have brought me so much joy, love, and memories. But they’ve also built within me insecurities, unhealthy patterns, and shame. Everybody has moments in their life that they look back at with a little bit of ~cringe~ and that’s just a rite of passage. For me though, I’ve come to the realization that I only have six weeks left to be who I want to be in college. I want to choose my best friends. I don’t want to base my self-worth on whether or not a guy likes me. I want to try new hobbies and rediscover old ones. I don’t want to let my insecurities dictate how I drink. I want to show up for myself and fully accept my self. I don’t want to keep creating competitions with other women in my head. I want to treat myself better physically, mentally, and spiritually – for the rest of my time in college and beyond.
This isn’t me regretting anything from my college experience, I’m truly thankful for every day of my time at Chico, whether it was an amazing one or a really tough one. If there’s anything I believe wholeheartedly, it’s that everything works out the way it’s supposed to. I also believe that it’s never too late to rebrand. In fact, I think this timing comes with even more motivation. When I walk across that stage, I want to be the version of myself that I need to be right now. If you’re struggling with same internal conflict, just remember that this is your college experience, and the person you should be working towards is the highest version of yourself that you can imagine, not a mosaic of every expectation that you feel like other people, society, greek life, or the “college experience” stigma hold over you.
As I approach graduation, I’m inviting myself (and I invite you too) to not put my growth on hold in order to wrap up my college experience, but rather immerse it into my final days. Celebrating your accomplishments, learning from your mistakes, honoring your needs, and choosing yourself don’t have to wait until May 17. For me, these final 40 days are about appreciating the people who have stuck with me through the bad and the good and soaking up every moment with them, holding myself accountable with forgiveness and a willingness to learn, acknowledging my own self-worth without relying on external validation, and working towards the woman I know I’m capable of becoming.
If you’re graduating this spring, congratulations and be so proud of yourself! And if you’re not, embrace the time you have left at Chico because it truly does go by so fast, and find comfort knowing that you’re in charge of your own values, experience, and happiness here.