The How Tos of College: An Advice Column

Hi Chico State students! For today’s read I will be doing an advice column where I answer questions that some of you submitted through an anonymous link. I hope that I can answer them in a way that helps all of you feel less alone.  

Question #1: How do I deal with roommates who don’t like me and never include me in their plans? 

My answer: Oh my gosh, this is so hard. I want to start out by saying what you’re feeling is so difficult, and you are certainly not alone in this. I have experienced this myself, and it’s incredibly isolating. Personally, it caused me to feel unsafe, because my home was supposed to be a place of rest after a long day, but the minute I came home, I was subjected to various avenues of “mean girl” energy.  

My first piece of advice for this is to try your best not to internalize how they treat you. This is extremely hard because words and actions can hurt a lot. I suggest that you remind yourself that you are not responsible for your roommates’ immature behavior. They are adults, and therefore they have control over how they act and respond. If they treat you badly then that reflects their character, not yours. You are awesome, and the fact that you are seeking advice on how to cope with this situation, which is productive, shows me you are more mature. You are on the right track, my friend. If this situation is bothering you to the point where it’s causing you distress, I advise that you orchestrate a roommate meeting where you all can talk about what may be going on. In that meeting, you can try to resolve any conflicts and set clear boundaries on what you all need to do going forward. Unfortunately, even after a conversation like this, roommates can continue to disrespect you and be unkind to you. This was the case for me. We all set clear boundaries going forward. My boundaries were not honored, and I continued to feel unsafe. If this happens to you, I suggest you try to find a sanctuary outside of your home, or something calm to do while you are home. This could be finding a comfort show to watch, reading, crafting, a weekly game night with friends, checking CatsConnect for any Chico State events, or joining a club! Most of all, I want you to know that it’s temporary, and if you need emotional support, I suggest getting connected with a therapist from the WellCat Counseling Center. 

Question #2: How would you recommend staying motivated to go to class, work, and socialize, while having social anxiety, ADHD, and depression? 

My answer: Hi friend! This is so tough, and I want you to know that I’m proud of you. This is hard stuff. My first recommendation is to get connected with a therapist from the WellCat Counseling Center. I have ADHD, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD, and when I was struggling with work-life balance, I got connected with a therapist and it helped me a lot. My therapist helped me feel less alone and gave me tools to help me with daily life and encouraged me to be kinder to myself. I want you to know that all you can do is your best. If your best is 100% one day, then 72%, and then 36%, this is okay. You are doing the best you can with what you have. Would you expect yourself to be able to run a mile perfectly with a sprained ankle? No, you wouldn’t because you’re aware that’s very hard to do with a sprained ankle. It’s the same with your brain.

When you struggle with your mental health, it can make things feel mind-numbingly overwhelming. Struggling with mental health is a lot to juggle internally, which can make dealing with the external world exceedingly difficult. Having a job, being a student, and maintaining a social life is hectic enough, so it’s understandable that doing these things while struggling feels intense. Take it one step at a time and be kind to yourself. There’s a card from the game “We’re Not Really Strangers” that says, “Replace that was so stupid of me, to that was so human of me.” Meditate on that message as much as possible, it is a wonderful reminder. Lastly, I want to share some things I do to balance my life. I like to space out my homework and do a little everyday, instead of cramming. It’s easier said than done, procrastination is a tough nut to crack, but with more practice, this became a great strategy for me for school.

When my mental health is not good, and daily tasks are hard to do, I count the small wins. This can be drinking water, eating food, getting an assignment done, or taking out the trash. The small wins are amazing, and they deserve recognition, and when I recognize them, it helps me feel motivated to do more tasks. I also have social anxiety. Exposure to social settings a little bit at a time is helpful for me. That can look like going to a meeting for a club, or going to a social event because it has free food, or petting dogs at The Well! Being around people in a controlled environment helped me realize that I can be around people and be safe. All of these mental hurdles are hard to balance, so make sure you give yourself time to do something you enjoy, or something that brings you rest. I love to watch Gilmore Girls at the end of my day, sing, or FaceTime my mom. Staying motivated and balanced is a process, but with time, it will get better. 

Question #3: How do you advise navigating college and the stress of what to do after college? 

My answer: This is such a good question! In terms of navigating college while you’re here, I have great news! You go to Chico State, and as a student here, you have so many amazing resources. Chico State has wonderful advisors for classes, tutors, therapists, and fun events all at your fingertips! I have taken advantage of several of these resources, and it has been so helpful. Advisors for classes can help you decide what exactly you need to take in order to graduate, and they can also help you find classes that meet multiple degree requirements.

The tutoring center is a great resource if you are having trouble in any of your classes. There is no shame in asking for support! I plan to do so next semester when I take statistics, because your girl is bad at math. I am not a woman in STEM, but I bet with the tutoring center’s help, I can moonlight as one! If you are struggling with academic stress or life after graduation, the WellCat Counseling Center is an excellent resource to help you cope. Chico State also has many fun events on campus. My favorite events are Wags 4 Wellness, Take a Paws, Bingo, Spill the Tea, and Mellow Sessions! I suggest checking those out, because getting plugged into campus life is helpful when navigating college. 

As for after college, my first piece of advice is to take a deep breath, and remind yourself that you are an adult, and you shall do whatever your heart desires. If you’d like to take a gap year to travel or work as you figure out your next steps, that is more than okay. Don’t let your weird uncle or wine aunt tell you “Wow, really? You don’t know what you want to do yet? Time is running out!” Newsflash, they are wrong. It’s okay to not know what you want to do. If you want to find out possibilities of what you could do after graduation,

I recommend going to job fairs, researching internships, or talking to an advisor. These resources can help you have a better idea of what is out there, before jumping into the deep end. There are advisors for your major and graduation advisors. Both types of advisors can possibly help you brainstorm, or even provide suggestions for different opportunities after graduation. My advisor in Psychology offered to help me do this, and he has been so helpful. Take it one step at a time, and if you feel like taking a gap year, do it! You’ve earned it! 

• college
• mental health