I came to Chico four years ago, eight hours from home not knowing anyone. Four years later, I’m leaving with a degree with my best friends who will one day stand beside me as my bridesmaids. I’ve always heard people talk about how fast college flies by, but never really believed them. Suddenly, I’m the one saying it now. I’ve hit the less than one month until graduation mark, and I have no idea what I’m going to do for the rest of my life. What I do know is that lately, everything is feeling heavier knowing that I’m just going to up and leave the place I’ve called home for the past 4 years. Final moments are happening all around me, and I can feel it with every sunset, every group hangout and every walk home.
IT’S the little things I’LL miss the most
The idea of not living with my 6 best friends anymore is truly heartbreaking. Not being able to run across the hallway to my best friend’s room to tell her the tea or when I just simply want to hangout. It’s not just the “big” lasts like our last class or our last party. It’s the late night sweet treat runs. The spontaneous “let’s skip class and grab a beer.” The pre-games. The sound of my roommates laughing on the couch together. The early morning debriefs in our oversized sweatshirts, wrapped in blankets and stories from the night before. The comfort of knowing we are all just a room away.
I thought i’d be more ready
I thought I would be more prepared. More ready. That I’d be excited to graduate and start “real life.” But the truth is, I’m the furthest thing from it. I feel lost, confused, terrified. You name it, I feel it. I keep wondering how I’m going to figure out my life, find a job, move away and somehow survive in a world that doesn’t include spontaneous happy hour trips on Tuesday evenings. But, I’m trying not to let the unknown steal this last month from me. I don’t want to be so focused on this next chapter that I skim the last few pages of this one. I’m scared, I’m sad, and I’m so proud all at once.
I’m soaking it all in
Instead of pushing the emotions aside, I’m learning to welcome them in. I’m not wishing these last few weeks away, I’m soaking them in. I’m romanticizing my routines, taking pictures of everything, saying yes to anything and everything no matter how much homework is waiting for me, because in four short weeks, this won’t be my life anymore. And I don’t want to miss a thing.
So if you see me tearing up over a sunset on campus, or hugging my roommates longer than usual, just know I’m not being dramatic. I’m just trying to hold on. Because I came here not knowing a soul, and I’m leaving with a full heart right next to the best people I’ve ever met and a version of myself that 18 year old me never knew she could become.
Thank you, Chico
Even though I’m moving onto the next chapter of my life, this chapter will be close to me for the rest of my life. Every laugh, every late night, every little moment that made these four years unforgettable. Thank you, Chico State, for giving me the memories, the growth, the people and the home I never knew I needed. I’ll miss you more than words can ever really say.