If you have ventured into the world of online dating you know what ghosting is, your friend may have been ghosted or you might have even been ghosted yourself. Ghosting can, unfortunately, happen at any stage in the relationship, right at the beginning in the initial “talking” stage before you go on an actual date or even after you’ve met your “person” and you’ve been married for 5 years. The degree to which it hurts us, however, is complex based on our level of commitment to said ghost and how much you have at stake in the relationship.
For young people who tend to intermittently dabble in the world of online dating on apps like Bumble, Tinder and Hinge, ghosting is perhaps more common than even going on real dates with matches. It might be best to differentiate between the two types of ghosting most young people are dealing with, the first being straight up or hard ghosting that involves the other person completely cutting off all communication with you and never speaking to you again. They are unreachable and for all you know could have been killed in an avalanche, but odds are you will never find out because they will never answer your texts or calls again. At the core of hard ghosting is the question of what you did to deserve to be ghosted — which is usually nothing — people being unable to have an honest conversation with you about their feelings is on them. If someone ghosts you in the “talking” stage, that’s usually an indication it wasn’t meant to work out anyways and after the initial sting, you’ll be in a better position moving forward.
The second form of ghosting, however, called soft ghosting is like the odd cousin of hard ghosting where signals are blurry, and nothing is quite showing you one way or another how it will turn out. Soft ghosting usually involves being primarily ghosted through messages or phone calls but you know they are watching your Instagram stories or keeping you as a friend on Snapchat. They’re tossing you breadcrumbs once in while so you know they’re still there but you’re unsure of where you stand because they don’t seem completely opposed to being social with you. The key, however, is realizing that your needs must be met with whoever you’re talking to or dating. Leaving you hanging isn’t cool and they are probably not ready to give you what you need to be content in the dating process. If this means you need to turn your attention away from them and focus on other potential matches or just yourself then that’s what’s probably best for you.
Being ghosted is a shitty feeling and there isn’t a good explanation for why it happens most of the time. Just remember that it says more about the other person than it does about you. It’s never been easier to ghost, especially on social media where it’s only too easy to block someone and never need to communicate with them again because you’re not quite attached. The reality is that they made the choice to do so and it’s not your job to change their mind. Move it along and set your sights on what you should be focusing on to keep yourself content. You never know what or who might be right around the corner after being ghosted.