One of my favourite things to do is ask people what type of music they listen to. I think it’s a great way to find out what kind of person they are, and following this up by asking why they like the music brings even more insight into their character.
However, I almost always take it personally when somebody says that they don’t enjoy Sza’s music — especially since the release of CTRL. I feel so emotionally connected to the album and the majority of the tracklist. With the increase of TikTok videos using song clips for their audio, I’ve been reminded of my love for all things Sza and CTRL. Originally released in 2017, it is still one of my favourite albums to date.
This album has had countless reviews written since it came out four years ago. I’ve been relistening to the album all through the pandemic and my 20-year-old self has connected with the songs in a way I didn’t before. I mean, at 17-years old, what did I know about “Let me tell you a secret/I been secretly banging your homeboy/Why you in Vegas all up on Valentine’s Day?”
The album has songs about relationships, love, and self-love; all topics that I have found a deeper understanding for this year. Listening back to the song 20 Something in my twenties felt like some sort of awakening. I always seemed to hop from friendship to friendship, and even though she was speaking of romantic relationships, I understood.
“Stuck in them 20 somethings.”
Spending my twentieth year in a pandemic wasn’t something I expected, nor wanted. I saw this meme that said, “if I wanted to spend my twenties inside, I would have had kids.” Because of this, I related a lot to the loneliness she spoke of in her songs.
At the end of 20 Something is a voice recording between Sza and her mom. She talks about survival, seemingly wanting to get through this period of her life. She describes this illusion that is her life and how much she’d rather not let go of what she’s seeing in favour of reality. This fear of reality is really the fear of the unknown. I think this is such a common emotion that so many people feel right now.
I hear the term “imposter syndrome” frequently come up with my peers. This feeling of not quite belonging in a space that you are currently taking up. It’s something many students experience in their programs; feeling like they may not be good enough or questioning why they deserve to be in the spot they’re in.
I think back and laugh at this because, as cliché as it sounds, this was going to be my year. This was the year I wanted great things for my life and to “find myself.” To figure out my passions and what I wanted to do with my future.
“Hopin’ to keep the rest of my friends/ Prayin’ the 20 somethings don’t kill me, kill me.”
If there ever was a more difficult year for me, in almost all aspects of my life, it was this one. Even though you try to convince yourself that everything happens for a reason, you’re still hurt when the things you depended on aren’t there anymore.
This is almost a reflection for me, as I leave one year and flow into the next. I just wanted to survive this point in my life but I’m slowly starting to realize that this is the time I was waiting for — excitedly talking about all the things I planned on accomplishing in my twenties.
I think I love the song 20 Something so much because understanding what Sza was talking about brought back control into my life. It gave me a much-needed sense of empowerment and the confidence to take on the next year, and I can’t wait to see what’s in store.