How are you?
Regardless of how we actually are, a lot of us feel compelled to respond to this question with something along the lines of ‘I’m alright’ or ‘I’m pretty good’.
I think a big reason why this happens is because there’s this social construct that we need to be—or at least seem—okay. Consequently, we have this fear that telling someone how we’re really doing will make them feel uncomfortable.
I thought of the idea for this article not too long ago, when I was having a difficult time with school. I obviously wasn’t yelling this out to the world, and frankly, I don’t think anyone in that situation would.
I want to make clear that I’m not arguing that we should be able to express our feelings to anyone who asks. It’s demanding to even admit to ourselves if we’re struggling, let alone admit it to another person.
What I am arguing, however, is that we don’t ask people how they’re doing enough.
Taking the time to ask this is one of the simplest ways of showing those around us that we care about them. Especially in winter, when it seems as though the sun’s gone longer than it should be, I think this is even more important to keep in mind.
I too want to get better at checking on the people in my life, and I think it’s in the moments when we assume that everyone must be doing fine that we should make the most effort to reach out. So before the holidays, I posted a Google Form on my Instagram to let people anonymously talk about how they were. This is what they said:
“Overall I’m doing well and excited for the holidays, but also really exhausted from exams/school and not in the mood for socializing.”
“I’m doing well career-wise but emotionally I feel burnt out and tired.”
“I’m great, how are you?”
“Amazing.”
“Deeply depressed but in a nostalgic, longing way.”
“I’m doing well. I have a lot of school work due in the next week so that isn’t ideal but I’m still happy and enjoying school. I’m really looking forward to the holiday break and excited for the end of the semester.”
“I am going crazy.”
“There are good days when I feel good, grateful to be alive and excited to see what’s ahead of me. There are other days where I struggle, feel like I’m not enough, and where I’m in constant battle with myself.”
“Excited for the holidays.”
“Loving life.”
“So-so, especially now because even though the holiday season excites me, Christmas has been feeling less like Christmas as the years go on and that just puts a damper on my general mood around this time of year.”
“I’m confused honestly, but I think I’m doing better than last year. Waiting on that downfall.”
“Life started off pretty chill. Once midterms started, it wasn’t really chill. To expand on this, I never studied nor worked this hard during all my years in school. University really changed my perspective on school, life goals, and career paths in ways high school never challenged me to think before. It’s tough…But I’m grateful for all the experiences and friends I’ve made so far this semester.”
“Excited for the holidays.”
“Tired. The holiday season is one of the busiest times of the year for a lot of people, especially if you are working in the hospitality industry.”
“I’m doing well; everything is good so far. But school is killing me. I sometimes feel overwhelmed by the homework and assignments, but I really try to get everything done on time. It’s not easy though. But I know everything will be better.”
“I am doing well physically, however, my mental health is not as great due to school stress.”
“Honestly, not too hot right now. I’m feeling very uncertain about my future and the future of my loved ones. I want to be able to support them financially, physically and emotionally.”
“Not great. But I know things get better. It’s just so hard to go through a tough journey even if you know it’ll probably end well.”
Remember that these aren’t just answers; they’re the real feelings of real people. In a way, I think sometimes we forget that everyone around us—whether it’s the people we see every day or the strangers we pass by on the street—are human. Every person is human, and to be human means to have feelings.
To whoever’s reading this, just know that whatever you’re feeling is valid. Whether you’re high on life, or grappling with things you’ve never talked about, or maybe somewhere in between, there are people who want to listen. Never forget that you are cared about.
Let’s remember that one of the most valuable things we can give to those around us is our time. Specifically, some time to listen and to let people know that they are heard: Some time to remind people that we’re all only human, and that’s okay.