How To Be OK With *Not* Living Up To Your High School Self

During high school, I found myself surrounded by preconceived notions about university. Teachers felt comfortable using the idea of the institution against their students, which presented it as a terrifying final destination. Regardless of the reality, university became a metaphorical target where most believed that all of the hours studying, extracurriculars and stress over their grades would become worth it. But no one really talks about what happens when you get there. What does the average student experience during those idolized years of academia?

To be honest, I don’t have an answer to that question. What I do have is some insight into the struggles faced by those around me since starting my first year. The most prominent being: self-comparison. Specifically, the comparisons that university students make to their overachieving high school selves and how to overcome it.

Reaching The Destination

For those 4 years and even earlier for some, high schoolers are primed to maintain a rigorous schedule in preparation for the future. They wake up early, embark on a long commute, go to school and obsess over grades, attend extracurriculars, come home to study for hours, pass out and… do it all over again. 

So what is the result? That way of life becomes a habit and a rigid expectation of what you are expected to achieve on a daily basis. Some students may naively assume that all of this goes away once university starts. Once all of the work is done and you reach the destination you can finally stop or slow down. 

Unfortunately not.

The Self-Comparison Monster

In fact, the less structured university environment becomes the perfect breeding ground for the Self-Comparison Monster. 

In readjusting our academic lives because of the university workload, we must do the same to our values, grade tolerances and extracurricular commitments. Most often, students come in with a sense of excitement, ready to re-enter their past schedules. Then reality hits. Classes get more difficult, assignments become more of a time commitment and some students come in feeling too burnt out to resume their usual tenacity at school.

The Self Comparison Monster is my take on the feelings that come with that shift. I have overheard too many of my peers lately talking about how the initial expectations of their first year wore off by the end of the first semester. They would sign up for too many clubs without attending a single meeting or achieving grades that their high school selves would never approve of. 

How to Deal?

At this point, I’m sure you’re wondering how to manage this issue. How can we move away from the fixed mindset concerning the expectations that we put on ourselves? Amidst my own struggle, here are some of the best options that I found.

Give yourself grace

This is the most important option that I could give to students who put pressure on themselves. No matter how much you might feel like a failure, I can guarantee that you have done much more than you think. All you need to do is step back and take a look at the big picture. Just like everything else, being a university student has a learning curve. Being kind to yourself is the best way to improve your performance as a student and your overall mental health.

Go with the flow

Academics aside, University is supposed to be fun! Because it is so different from high school, I have met so many new people that I would never have come across before attending Carleton. In these five months, I have crossed numerous items off my bucket list and kept myself open to the opportunities presented to me. New environments mean a new reality with schedules that may look different than what you might be used to. 

Talk to Others

My decision to write this article was based solely on the number of conversations that I encountered surrounding this topic. A friend of mine talked about how we all think that those around us are doing so much more than they actually are. No matter what your program or future goals are, there is always someone who can relate to what you’re going through. Your high school self is in the past. Do what feels comfortable for you as who you are now. 

If your struggles go beyond what was discussed in this article, don’t be afraid to use some of our on-campus resources like From Intention To Action (FITA) and Health and Counseling Services. 

• burnout
• Carleton University
• self-love
• students
• university