When you are in an environment away from the comfort of your home – whether you are an international student who crossed international borders to go to school in Ottawa or you take 10 minutes to get to campus – there is an increased chance that you are more susceptible to peer pressure when you are spending time with peers your age.
When parents are not monitoring your every move, it is easier to get away with more things in the long run. We’ve all been there. It is part of growing up and experiencing life on our own.
There is a fine line between enjoying experiences as a young adult and putting your future at risk by making poor decisions. Navigating this difference is an incredibly important way to enjoy your experiences as a college student without going overboard.
Whether you are a freshman at Carleton or a returning undergraduate, it is important to be mindful of the ways in which peer pressure affects you. You are then able to know and set your boundaries for yourself and those around you.
What are your core values? What beliefs do you hold close to your heart? How flexible are you with them? Can they be crossed with no consequences?
These are important questions that are worthy of consideration when you are thinking of setting boundaries. There are many ways you can do this. Picking up your pen and paper, using your notes app, recording yourself talking… whichever way you choose to do it, make sure you really explore and learn your true identity – outside of family biases and friendship influences.
Knowing who you are and living in alignment with your values is not as easy as it seems. It requires a lot of deep explorations of your identity and personal thought patterns that might be causing relapses in behaviors that are not necessarily for your growth.
That’s where shadow work comes in. Shadow work is a deep and reflective practice you can do to heal and discover your inner self. Whether you want to move away from past traumas or you want to unlearn the negative thought patterns that form your life’s decisions on a daily basis, getting used to sitting uncomfortably with your thoughts and feelings through the process of shadow work is a great way to unlock a new and refined version of yourself.
A simple Google search ‘shadow work prompts for [insert your area of interest]’ would do the job. Using the prompts that you find on Google – or Pinterest, find a secluded and quiet area where you can journal and sit with your emotions.
It is important to not suppress these feelings when they arise – although they might be temporarily uncomfortable.
Once you have determined your values and core beliefs it is important to make sure to determine the consequences if people choose to cross them. This doesn’t mean that everyone who makes you feel slightly uncomfortable is your sworn enemy for life. However, after repeated attempts to express your boundaries, if they are constantly crossed, you can choose to remove yourself from the situation.
Your consequences are not meant to be extreme and seclude you from those you love. Instead, they allow you to solidify your values in the concrete world. This can raise your confidence and self-esteem significantly and make you feel more in control of things you can ultimately control.
A popular example is drinking alcohol, smoking, or using other substances. Although drinking can be a huge part of one’s university experience, some people are against it. Whether it is for religious purposes or personal preference, that boundary is there.
If you fall into this category, such as myself, it is important to remember that it is important to make these boundaries known to those around you. It is common to fear social exclusion if you don’t drink or consume other forms of substances on a night out.
In times when these feelings arise, it is essential to take a step back and think about the reason why you have this boundary in the first place. In short, think about your ‘why’.
Being confident in your values and the person that you are – even if it’s different from the majority – is a huge act of courage that should be celebrated. I find that people have more respect and value for you when you know yourself and have boundaries in place.