‘What’d you get on the test?’
I’ve grown to really hate that question.
There’s a fine line between getting good grades for yourself and getting good grades for others — and I’ve learned it’s pretty hard to tell if you’ve crossed it.
I remember going through my last years in high school feeling like I was always in some competition that I never wanted to be in. I obviously wanted to get good grades to get into university, but whenever an assignment or test was coming up, I’d start thinking about everyone else rather than myself.
I hated feeling like no matter what grade I got, I’d get judged for it. Doing bad meant not trying hard enough and doing good meant trying too much.
And it was even more overwhelming to feel like my performance dictated how others would feel about their own. I still remember a time in middle school when I failed a test and somehow my entire class found out the exact percentage I got. Having to just sit there and pretend I didn’t care about people whispering over my shoulder sucked.
When I graduated high school, one of the things I looked most forward to was being able to get away from all of that. But I’m now approaching the end of my first year in university, and yet I’m still trying to unlearn comparison.
I think university arguably has even more room to compare oneself to others, as you’re often surrounded by people who have similar passions and goals as you. Because of this, it’s extremely easy to feel like you’re not doing enough or you’re not good enough.
My experiences in high school had an impact on how I transitioned into university. I think that’s the case for most, if not all of us.
I’m grateful to say that I no longer feel in constant competition with the people around me, but feeling that way for so long has made it hard to get over. Sometimes I still feel nervous that someone’s gonna judge me about how good or how bad I did in a class. I’ve noticed that feeling this way has made me feel like I need to do good on everything just to avoid criticizing myself.
I’ve always found it hard to bring this topic up without sounding either unappreciative or judgemental. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful that I’m able to get a good education. I am also not trying to imply that being a hard worker is a bad thing. However, no one should ever feel like they’re sacrificing themselves for a good grade.
The terms ‘high achiever’ and ‘perfectionist’ often get mentioned in the same conversations. This is because wanting to aim high can easily become wanting to be perfect — and if it gets to the point where someone feels the need to always be perfect, their little mistakes will feel like failures.
Remember that your worth does not depend on your grades. If you score lower than you thought you would on a test, in a course, or even throughout an entire academic year, your worth does not change. Do not let anyone make you think otherwise.
Social media has created this idea that students need to constantly push themselves past their limits, no matter what. Consequently, seeing other people who look like they’re ‘doing more’ makes us feed into the idea that we’re never doing enough. It makes us forget that judging ourselves in comparison to others is not only unfair, but harmful.
So to the high achievers, remember to take breaks. Remember to be proud of your work regardless of the feedback you get. Remember to give yourself credit not only for your academic successes, but also for the mere fact that you’re still here despite everything you’ve withstood.
To the high achievers — remember to take care of yourself.