Celebrating the holidays can be hard when you’re still in the closet. As a member of the LGBTQ+ community who isn’t out to extended family, it can be hard to feel perfectly at home.
For me, who has her flag on her wall, goes to LGBT-SA meetings, and constantly reminds friends on how gay she is, going home can be a culture shock. Going from way out of the closet to back in can be intense. I’m out to my direct family, but we haven’t talked about it in a while. So when I go home, it feels like I become a new person – I’m not authentically me.
One question I always dread coming up (and it always eventually does) is “Do you have a boyfriend?” Since I’m a person who likes all people, technically I’m not lying when I tell them “No,” but it sucks when I can’t tell them about the pretty girl in my class or the great person who I text sometimes. I feel trapped in a hetero-normative bubble that forces me to change my stories to make them “safe for family interactions.”
The thing is that I know that I could come out at any time, especially since some of my extended family is out and there aren’t any issues. For years one of my cousins brought her girlfriend to Thanksgiving – but of course she was just introduced to us as her “friend” (at least to the kids). But I’m afraid of my family changing their perception of me and who I am. I’m still the same person, but they won’t see that anymore. I’ll be someone new to them, and I’m not ready for that.
Related: What It’s Like to Be Out at School But Not at Home
It can be hard to feel different or feel like you’re putting up a facade when you’re catching up with family. I recommend trying to stay off the topic of romance. But if that isn’t possible, maybe this year is the year you tell them. Either way is okay. Don’t feel forced to come out if you aren’t ready.
Also, remember that there is more to family than just your blood relatives. Over break, maybe get coffee or lunch with a friend and spill all the juicy gay tea you wanted to drop during Thanksgiving. They’ll probably appreciate it more anyway.