The Thanksgiving Answer Sheet

The Thanksgiving Answer Sheet

A sly script to help guide you through all of your family’s favorite personal questions.

Q: How is the semester going so far? Getting good grades?

A: You know, this semester has really flown by. I think it is all of the nights I’ve stayed in just focusing for hours. I’ve learned a lot about medecine/law/history, and I think I will know everything I need to in time for finals.

(Translation: I’ve stooped to the point where I stopped partying and just binge watch Netflix now – Grey’s Anatomy/OITNB/Downton Abbey… But no worries, I can still totally cram a semester’s worth of material into the week before finals!)

Alternative Answer in the case that they have already seen your grades:

Q: What are your plans for after graduation?

A: I have actually been actively networking with my professors and professionals in my field. I am feeling pretty positive that something official will be lined up soon.

(Translation: I created a LinkedIn account)

Q: Are you dating anyone yet? I’m sure you’ve met lots of wonderful nice young [wo]men at school, right?

A: No, I think it is important that I really develop a strong sense of self and independent life before I make important commitments like that. I prefer to develop strong friendships first instead.

(Translation: No, still super single and it is going to be that way for a while unless Tinder becomes EHarmony over night)

Q: Why don’t you call us more often? We miss you and hardly know what’s going on in your busy life these days.

A: I’m sorry, I have horrible cell reception in my room. I promise I will email more though.

(Translation: You don’t really want to know what has been going on in my life. And I especially don’t want you to know- This is better for the both of us)

*An alternative to this defensive response sheet would to immediately go towards the offensive side: turn the tables around by shooting unpleasant and nosy questions at your most beloved relatives. Some possible questions may include:

-To the young parents: So how are the kids behaving? Still have time for date night?

(Translation: I know you are super stressed right now, so let’s talk about that instead of the many reasons I should be stressed)

-To the rich aunt/uncle: Have you donated to any charities lately? I’m a huge fan of the _____ organization; it does so much good for ____.

(Translation: I know you probably haven’t, so I am going to take pleasure in this awkwardness. Or if you have, this is still a much more safe conversation than my future career)

-To the extreme conservatives: So what do you think of Bernie Sanders?

-To the democratic liberals: I really think Trump is a great presidential candidate… Don’t you?

(Translation: Talking politics at all is sure to steer any uncomfortable conversation away from you – always a great option, especially during electoral season)

Happy Turkey Day!

But wait…. You haven’t told them you’re a vegetarian now? Maybe save that conversation for Christmas…..

• dinner
• family
• relatives
• thanksgiving