During our lives we have the opportunity to relate to many people, from casual encounters in elevators to Sunday lunches with the family, and so we weave our relationships of affection and closeness with other human beings until we reach bonds of friendship.
Many say that our friends are the family we choose to accompany us throughout our lives in times of joy and sadness, in our daily lives or in sporadic encounters. The fact is, life is much happier in the company of people with whom we can share our particularities, desires and other personal aspects. And this type of relationship develops social skills and contributes to our psychological well-being, being responsible for prolonging our lives and even reducing the incidence of illness.
The deep connections of friendship are perceived by society when we come across friends who allow themselves to be vulnerable with each other, give that “tug of the ear” when necessary and are often inseparable. And within fiction it would be no different, since iconic friendships such as Woody and Buzz, Thelma and Louise and Lilo and Stitch, have proven that true friendships are essential for life.
But thinking about all the benefits we get from cultivating a true friendship, what do we do if that relationship ends?
When we think about the end of relationships, we tend to consider only the end of a relationship and we are mistaken in thinking that only the end of this type of relationship can bring us pain and suffering. Just like the end of a relationship, the end of a friendship is a type of grief that is not always taken seriously, nor does it mean that between these two types of grief one is greater or lesser than the other, which is why this article features interviews with a therapist and a psychologist to explain this phenomenon.
HOW PSYCHOLOGY EXPLAINS THIS PHENOMENON
Bereavement is a process of psychological and emotional reaction after some significant loss, although it is something natural and often inherent to human beings at some point in life, it can be a difficult process full of setbacks, even so, bereavement is a very individual phenomenon for each person.
When this process is associated with the loss of a friend, there is a debate about the existence of a “greater” grief after the end of a friendship compared to the end of a relationship, so from the testimony of clinical psychologist Patricia Marra we can reflect on this “competition of pains” and whether it is really relevant within the context of a bereavement.
“Every situation of mourning and loss generates a diversity of ‘negative emotions’ that need to be felt during this process. Pain, sadness, anger, guilt, in short, this separation has the value of a significant loss. As human beings, it’s part of our nature to socialize and exchange these affective bonds. We can’t say that one pain is greater than another, but in friendship a bond is created that psychologically speaking establishes a connection of alliance, protection and creates reciprocity and positivity within this relationship, and this breakdown disrupts the individual’s mental health.”
WHICH AGE IS MOST AFFECTED BY THE END OF FRIENDSHIPS?
As we’ve already said, mourning is a unique process for each individual. However, the stages of a human being’s life have an impact on their perception of the world around them and their own emotions, and this is consequently linked to the way in which they deal with this process.
Therapist Fernanda Sacon explains how the stage of an individual’s life can be linked to the way they experience bereavement;
“It seems to me that in childhood, friendships end more often but with less intensity. A change of school, activity already contributes to changes and friendships breaking up. In adulthood, on the other hand, the end of a friendship involves deeper and more intimate relationships, which is why I believe it happens less often and more intensely. But regardless of the fact that it can happen at any stage of life, I believe that in childhood/youth it happens more often and is therefore more recurrent.”
SO HOW DO WE DEAL WITH POST-BREAKUP GRIEF?
Unfortunately, there is no magic recipe that will make this long and painful process go away overnight, but from the moment we start to become aware of the value of our feelings and stop neglecting them because they seem like “ nonsense”, we are already moving towards an evolution. Seeking professional help when possible is also fundamental, because sometimes the depth of this suffering requires attention and qualified care, but the company of family and friends can also make the post-breakup period easier.
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The article above was edited by Sarah Pizarro
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