Going Through Your First Breakup? 3 Tips That You’ve Probably Heard, But With Reflections That Will Help You

The first romantic breakup is a canonical event in anyone’s life. Ending cycles is a normal part of life, and it isn’t always a bad experience. However, when it comes to the first true love, accepting the end and moving on becomes more complicated than it seems. 

Feelings of confusion arise within us, nostalgia surfaces, and we feel so helpless that we even forget that all experiences are temporary, from the best moments to the most painful ones, always leaving us with baggage that helps us navigate life more maturely. 

We start hearing countless clichés, like the famous phrase “Life is too short to dwell on the end of a relationship,” in an attempt to ease the pain. But the sea of indescribable emotions overwhelming our minds makes all the advice seem ineffective. 

Reflecting on this classic event, I decided to deconstruct the myth that clichéd advice has no value, bringing to light some of the most common “silly” breakup phrases, which, when deeply analyzed, offer a new perspective on the situation. These phrases can change the way we approach our relationships with ourselves and others.

“If we don’t love ourselves first, no one else will”

Who hasn’t heard this classic, right? It might seem nonsensical at first, but it carries a deep meaning. This phrase reveals the true essence of relationships—not just romantic ones, but with everything around us.  

All our interactions with the world are based on exchanges; we always give what we have within us.  To live a life full of love, we must first learn to build self-love so that we can give what we would like to receive.  

Ending an important chapter is painful, but if we start to see this situation as an opportunity to reconnect with who we truly are and revive all the beauty we carry in our hearts, it becomes easier to handle.  How long has it been since you went to that restaurant you love? Or how long since you hung out with your friends just to chat and laugh?  

Cultivating a routine that brings you joy is also a form of self-love. Taking care of your mental and physical health is self-love; wearing your favorite outfit and going out to see the places you’ve always wanted to visit is self-love; reevaluating your preferences, trying new hobbies, not neglecting your feelings and seeking to understand them, reconsidering your boundaries and who you want to be—these are all forms of self-love.  

Love is in everything, in every second of life, in everything you give meaning to. Give meaning to your existence, take care of yourself because your body and mind are your home, and we all want to live in a cozy home, don’t we?

“Give time some time”

This phrase might be one of the most hated by those newly single. The tendency for anyone trying to heal from something is to find the antidote to this complex poison called pain as quickly as possible.  

We override our feelings, force happiness, and forge smiles all the time, entering into a race against something our subconscious knows we can’t win: Time.  

Generalizing processes isn’t always the most appropriate, as we are unique and react differently to problems, but if there’s one thing inherent in everything, it’s the passage of life and the changes it brings.  

In this relentless search for genuine happiness, we forget that we’re human and not regimented machines, controlled and programmed to easily handle any obstacle that comes our way. When we rush through processes, we neglect many hurts that, over time, accumulate and overload our hearts and minds.  

We shouldn’t be afraid of pain; we should face it and uncover what it’s trying to show us, observing ourselves and understanding why we feel what we feel, all with great care, respecting ourselves above all.  

It’s okay not to be okay all the time; masking what you feel won’t make it go away any faster. Learning to deal with changes in routine, with the absence of the one you love, and with eternal memories is something only time can teach us. It might feel like the end of the world now, but as the days pass, your routine will adjust to the new life, the emptiness caused by the absence of the other will diminish, and the memories will transition from painful to nostalgic.  

For every ending, there is a new beginning, but for that to happen, we must tend to our wounds and let them go, making space for good things to come. In this moment, time needs to be our ally, not our enemy. We can’t change what has passed, but we can learn to value what’s to come. Don’t despair; life is happening every second, better days will come, and who knows, maybe even a new love.

“Stop stalking and keeping up with your ex-partner’s life”

Last but not least, here’s the most talked-about advice and one of the hardest to follow. In today’s world, completely breaking cycles is more challenging than imagined. Everyone is connected, intertwined, and close, even if miles apart. Keeping up with the life of someone who is no longer part of our daily lives is very easy. Social media creates a false illusion that we are still involved in relationships that no longer belong to us, and this is where we often get lost.

How many times have you thought, “I’ll just take a quick look at their new followers,” and ended up seeing much more than that? This habit seems harmless, but when we reflect on why we do it, we start to understand that it’s not healthy to cultivate this behavior.

When we try to update ourselves on our ex-partner’s life, we’re not just curious about how they’re living; we’re also trying to keep them alive in our daily routine. It’s like trying to hold drops of water in our hands—we manage for a few seconds, but soon feel them slipping through our fingers, and the pain of not being able to hold onto them increases.

We want to control something beyond our reach. We miss them and seek to hold onto what little is left through a screen, distant from reality, yet comforting in some way.

It’s important to understand that, as painful as the emptiness left by the absence of news from this person may be, it’s necessary to detach from emotional dependence. Keeping this habit won’t bring them back, but it will certainly bring a lot of pain and longing. If the cycle has ended, let it end completely. Feeding false presences and hopes might be comforting at first, but it won’t be long before not-so-pleasant news reaches you.

Delaying this process of detachment might make you realize that you need to move on too late, potentially causing the pain of a new breakup, even when no relationship remains. Stop following them, mute them, or even block them—it’s time to focus on yourself and take care of your well-being. Your happiness depends on you alone.

—————————————————————–

The article above was edited by Clarissa Palácio.

Did you like this type of content? Check Her Campus Cásper Líbero’s home page for more!

• #relationship
• breakup
• love