Has someone ever told you that you were “pretty for a black girl,” what exactly do you say to that, what is that supposed to mean? The person saying it probably thought it was a compliment (or maybe they knew exactly what they were saying), but it is far from a compliment, it is actually insulting. What I get from that statement is, “When I think of black girls, I don’t think of them to be pretty or beautiful, but hey at least you are.” Yea….thank you but no thank you. When I think of black girls, I think of our hashtags like #BlackGirlMagic, #BlackGirlsRock, and #MelaninPoppin, scroll through those on Instagram and you’ll see a variety of fabulous, beautiful black women. They also must not watch tv or look on social media because there are pretty black women all over, Taraji P. Henson, Lupita Nyong’o, Ryan Destiny, Gabrielle Union, Duckie Thot, Kelly Rowland, Keke Palmer, Regina Hall, Queen Latifah, the list goes on and on, those are just a few of my favorites.
I’ve also noticed that a lot of non black people like to tell us that no one actually says, “you’re pretty for a black girl,” as if we just imagined it, like we want to be told this. A few months ago, Keke Palmer posted a video on Instagram mentioning how someone complimented her and then asked her what she was mixed with, under her post there were a lot of comments with people telling her that no one said that and saying she made it up. People who can’t relate, will always try to make it seem like you’re wrong, but no, we’re right, too many times people try to discredit our blackness and it’s not okay. I’ve even had my own friends tell me that I have to be mixed or that I’m pretty for a black girl and sometimes they try to add “no offense” before they say it, as if that makes things any better, when people start with “no offense” be prepared to be offended. Being just black is enough for me, my melanin pops and I love it, I love being black, so comments like that really irritate my soul.
Furthermore, next time, instead of responding to those type of comments with a nonchalant “thanks…” or negativity, maybe try to inform them on how what they said is actually insulting. For example you can say, “When you tell me I’m pretty for a black girl, you just complimented me but in the same breath you dissed my whole race, as if black girls are not normally pretty, but we are. Whether you meant it to be offensive or not, it was.” Now that’s how you handle a backhanded compliment! Or hit them with that, “I’m not pretty for a black girl, I’m just pretty.” Whatever helps you get your point across, say it, let them know because closed mouths don’t get fed and some people don’t think before they speak and might be completely oblivious to what they’re saying and how it comes across.