Love and Loss

Often, I wonder, “Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” Love is power. Love is vulnerability. Unlike any other emotion, love is as intoxicating as any drug; it blinds all of our senses and consumes us. Is this loss of control warranted by our experience in it? 

Never Loving At All

At 21, I recognize that I have not been head-over-heels in love although many people my age have. I have experienced platonic love and love in general as a universal emotion, but every time I am presented with the opportunity of falling in love I shy away from it. Because I view being in love as an all-encompassing, full-body emotion, I cannot deny that I am scared of it. I consider myself a practical and logical human being, so in what world should I be okay with an emotion governing my actions? To that point, I understand why many people would rather not experience being in love out of fear of losing who they are. If an emotion that visceral exists, why are we afraid to feel it? Furthermore, if we know that there is a possibility that we experience a relentless love and may have to endure the loss of it, I understand not wanting to feel that emotion at all. But if being in love is as powerful and wonderful as the movies and books tell us, why wouldn’t we want to experience it? 

Losing Love

I am no stranger to grief. I have experienced the loss of friends and family members; no matter who it is, it’s never easy especially when it’s someone you love. The one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that I have the memories of my time with them, but I can’t help but think, is it enough? Does the appreciation of their memory overshadow the longing for their presence? Carrie Bradshaw the main character in Sex and the City fell in love with Mr. Big, her “big” movie love interest. Most of the plot was dedicated to their complicated love story. They broke up, they got back together, they broke up again, and eventually got married. At the beginning of the newest series, And Just Like That, Carrie lost her Mr. Big. He passed away from a heart attack and Carrie was devastated. In her case, I can clearly see that it was better to have loved Mr. Big before he passed than to have never known him. Is it the same for people who simply break up? In the Netflix movie, Someone Great, the story begins after Jenny and Nate breakup. On a night out with the girls, as Jenny is trying to divulge her heartbreak, she inevitably runs into Nate. Afterward, they agree to continue their separate ways even though their story is charged with so much love and rich history. What is the point of having so much love for a person and so many memories if you can’t actively experience life with that person knowing that they are still living life somewhere else on the planet? My theory? It makes us feel human. The experience of love, even if it comes with loss, makes us feel alive–like life is worth living. If all that ends, we should have a sense of comfort in knowing that if we found it once, we can find it again.

Love cannot exist without the possibility of heartbreak. The “what-if” of it all is what gives love its power. We are putting ourselves in our most vulnerable position and hoping someone will catch us. That fall between control and being in love is living, but we have to decide for ourselves if love is worth the risk.