This article is written by a student writer from the Her Campus at CAU chapter.
As “cuffing season”
is making a very quick and steady return to both the Atlanta University Center and college campuses around the world, it is finally time to discuss this unrealistic expectation that every woman seems to face at some point in their younger years. As a woman, if you get a man you’re expected to hold them down no matter what problems you face. Let’s discuss exactly why that’s some bullsh*t.
- I am your girlfriend, not your wife. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for catering to my man, but unless I have a ring placed on my left hand please don’t expect too much. This bullet is especially for women whom aren’t even dating and are doing the most for a man. Don’t. Live your best life, sis.
- They won’t do it back. When is the most recent time you’ve heard of a guy staying with a girl after she’s done him dirty? I’ll answer that for you. Not a damn day in your life.
- The fact that we’re expected to build up a “broken” man. This one right here is the one I need y’all to pay close attention to. I have struggled and been dragged down trying to deal with a man who has a broken past, don’t do it. We’re too young to be dealing with anything we truly don’t want to deal with. I know men who claim they have baggage from high school relationships if you’re still out here hurting women because your high school boo screwed up, then you have bigger problems.
- Staying with a cheater or player. In reference to bullet point 2, when is the last time you’ve heard of a guy actually staying with someone who cheated on him or her? Alright, so don’t do it.
- We’re twenty years old. Well, this is age specific towards me, but whether you’re 19, 20 or 25, we’re young. You don’t have to stay with someone because you share a long-lasting history, you don’t need to stay because you’re afraid of being alone, you don’t need to stay period. In a quote from Judge Hatchett, “Twenty is for you, twenty is for growth, twenty is the pursuit of a tomorrow that is better than today, twenty is for options … it is not for continuous compromise, it is not the time to say ‘this is the guy I have to make it with because this is the guy that I have’, twenty is for firing dudes when they don’t act right.”
- Freedom. Now, this isn’t me saying that relationships can’t be happy and free for both people involved, but relationship freedom and single freedom are two different things. One of my biggest regrets is getting into a relationship as a college freshman. It took up so much time, I wasn’t involved on campus because I was always with this person. I had friends (but not many) because of jealousy and restrictions. As I became single as a college sophomore, I realized that being single is currently the smartest move for me.
- Toxicity. This bullet point can be seen throughout the other bullets; however, I’m giving it its own bullet because it’s probably the most important one. I have personal experience in dealing with relationships where I wasn’t happy, where most of our memories involved pain, where the bad outweighed the good by far. As a student or person of any age, never stay in a situation that isn’t bringing you the utmost joy.
- Attachments and Confusion. Why are women expected to stay by the side of someone just because they apologize? Why must I stay just because they’re “afraid” of losing me, but apparently not afraid enough to stop doing whatever made me want to leave in the first place?
- Emotional Dragging. I’ll keep this one short: don’t stay with a man who is pulling you down with him, it’s simple. When you’re young and you have the world at your fingertips it is easy to find yourself falling into a situation that is truly not necessary at this age (I’m a hypocrite of this myself). It is not “weak” to leave a dude that’s doing you wrong or not treating you how you desire to be treated, it is strength.
As a writer, my job is to try to connect with my readers in a way that we may both understand and sympathize with. Y’all know I love writing about whatever is going on in this head of mine. So, this weeks article is dedicated to all of the great girls out there, all of the girls out there getting degrees, all of the girls out there working, all of the girls out there with goals … prosper, and set anything or anyone aside that isn’t benefiting you.