Hi! My name is Ashley, and in just over two weeks I will be a college graduate. Couple that with everything going on in the world at the moment, and I can safely say that I am silently freaking out pretty much every day.
On that note, I’ve also spent the last few weeks making note of as many “last” college experiences as I can in this situation. Last project, last presentation—the list goes on. Except, just the other day, I wrote my last college paper, and that one hit me a little harder than I expected. You see, I finished my English major over a year ago. I haven’t written a paper based on a novel, or with MLA citations, in quite a while. I have a second major in Sociology, and I actually wrote my last research paper, APA citations included, a week ago. My last college paper was an Education paper, and all things considered, was a fun and interesting paper, not nearly as taxing as it could have been. It wasn’t my last big paper, I guess you could say.
Yet, it was my last paper of my undergraduate career, and turning it in made my stomach get those warm and fuzzy feelings—like I was doing something crazy or someone had just told me I was the most beautiful girl on the face of the planet. Except all I was doing was turning in a paper. It should have been anything but wild or exhilarating, but it sure did feel like it.
It brought me back to thinking about my “lasts” of undergrad. I know most people would probably jump for joy at the thought of never having to write another paper, but I’ve always loved it. I love using my words and formulating sentences that are full of emotion or logic and reason. I have always loved weaving together words into sentences in just the right order to create something that flows right off the tongue. I’ve always had a passion for writing, and I’ve always enjoyed doing so to obtain my degree.
You see, writing has been an integral aspect of my life since I was young, and that passion carried with me in college. That passion grew in college. My love for writing has landed me in places and given me opportunities that I would have never imagined possible. That love for writing is what makes my heart feel warm and fuzzy, it’s what gives me those “first date” butterflies—and I can’t imagine a future without it.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s probably that I won’t have to give up writing just because I’m graduating. I know there will always be things for me to write, and I will always have opportunities to do so. But it’s the fear of the unknown. The fear of something I love being less planned, something I have to squeeze in. It’s the fear of not knowing how I’m going to continue to pursue my passion or have this creative outlet.
Maybe it’s just the fear of graduating. Either way, I just wrote my last college paper, and I am a ball of sentimental emotions—but I know I’ll be OK.