At UNC, consent is defined as “the communication of an affirmative, conscious, freely-made decision by each participant to engage in agreed upon forms of sexual contact; and consent is not to be inferred from silence, passivity, or a lack of resistance.” So I take that to mean: yes means yes, out loud.
Unfortunately, with the recent surge of hyper-sexual relationships (50 Shades), television has left out to most important part of sex, consent. Television has no problem showing the spontaneous passion when two people get home and can’t stop kissing long enough to say “do you want to have sex?” That kind of excitement appears so desirable to those watching that it conditions us to believe that talking about sex is awkward and not sexy.
After binge watching “The Carrie Diaries” I was so impressed with high school Carrie Bradshaw and her boyfriend, dreamy Sebastian Kidd, handled having sex for the first time. When Carrie made up her mind that she was ready, she told Kidd “I want to have sex.” It was an honest moment that offered zero mixed signals. Later in the show Bradshaw is dating another handsome guy, Adam Weaver, and before having sex for the first time, Weaver asks Carrie if she is truly ready for that next step in their relationship. Again, not awkward and no mixed signals. Not only did the couples on this show have no problem talking about sex, but Carrie and her friends talked about sex regularly (just like in Sex and the City). Countless times throughout the show I was in awe of how incredibly strong and honest teenage Carrie Bradshaw was.
I am hoping that this show is a sign of the direction television is headed. Many of our social habits and cues come from what we watch on screen. Consent is a vital part of sex and television must recognize that the way they portray sex influences our choices. Here’s to hoping for more Carrie Bradshaws and less Anastasia Steeles in movies.