The “I Don’t Know” Phase of Our Lives

As we progress through life, we go through times where we feel on top of the world, other times when we are down because of a certain situation, and then there are those other times when we are free-falling through life without a clue as to what is going on. 

Katy Bellotte, a 19 3/4 year old YouTuber, posted a very open video about our generation entitled “Faking It”. She is inspiring and real all at the same time while explaining the uncertainties that come up in life when you don’t know where you are going, who you are, or what life even is.

Welcome to the “I don’t know” phase. According to Katy, “It’s basically one of those phases in your life where you don’t have a solid answer for anything. You don’t really know how you’re feeling. You don’t really know what you want to do with your life. You don’t really know anything for that matter.”

We sit there and wonder, “Who am I as a person and what do I want to do as this person?” There are pieces of our past self, our current self, and our envisioned future self that we try to incorporate into the person we are at this very moment. But when we barely know 1 out of 3 of those selves, we become at odds with our minds; unsure of how we feel and often disconnecting us from knowing our desires.

It’s not only a phase that a ton of adolescents go through, but everyone. We find ourselves in this strange position of feeling stagnant, like we have plateaued. Bellotte sums it up perfectly as she says, “I feel like I am in this amazing pivotal position where I can excel and just be so good at what I’m doing, or I can just completely go backwards.” It’s a point where everything is up in the air, meaning that it could fall one way or another without any indication or intention of the direction it is going to go. We anxiously await the outcome of our tipping point.

During times of confusion, we look to the exterior world to find ways to cope with our situation. When we don’t know, we go and try to fill the so-called empty parts of ourselves with whatever we can find as we seek to find what works for us, in order to make us feel together again. We observe how other people live their lives, wishing one day that ours will look just as good as theirs. Katy comments on the use of #goals by saying that we should strive for “Bigger goals. Huge, explosive goals. And your goals should not be physical human beings that are walking around the street,” like those we often find on social media. What is a life of wishing when we are not actively doing anything about it?

Bellotte further shares how society’s aim for perfection has lead to a narrow mindset of what has to be done, leaving out the emotions and an aspect of humanity as we are told to forget about any uncertainties we might have. We look up to celebrities and other people to see how our lives should be viewed, but ultimately that can never compare to how and what we actually experience on the inside. By attempting to live another’s life, we will never find the wholeness in our own life. This image of perfection is perpetuated in a society that lives for the future, while completely skipping over the present.

It is incredibly great to find inspiration and work to build your own life off of little pieces you pull from here and there. But who wants to live for something? We should live in it, under the roof of our passions, goals, desires, beliefs, and this life we create for ourselves. We should fully take it in our grasp for the time that we have it and then let pieces go when they no longer suit us in order to build something even greater than we ever imagined before.

No matter how corny it sounds or how many times it has been said, life is a journey and there is a reason for this. As humans, we strive to find the meaning of life, why we are here, and what we are suppose to do with our time on this earth. We enjoy it, and in fact thrive off of such a incomprehensible concept that seems like pure magic to us. If we had everything solved and figured out in life, our days would be spent in a very dull and boring world. The wonder would be gone. Our life would go without meaning because everything would be already set in stone, giving us nothing to work for.

So what I’m trying to say is this: the “I don’t know” phase provides an opportunity and springboard for us to find a sense of meaning and worth to our lives. Often, the deeper the “I don’t know”, the bigger the chance and change to make something extraordinary out of it. Just like ideas need space to breathe in order to grow, so do humans. We have the infinite potential to do anything we desire; it’s just a matter of finding it, then using it, and ultimately supporting it. I think we are often afraid because on one side of the scale we could atrociously fail, but we see this in a direct relation to the incredible amount of success we could find at the other end of that scale. We know we have it inside of us. We just have to believe in it.

Remember though, it is only this: a phase. It’s a point in time that’s going to pass. You’re going pick up pieces of your life, move them around, put them down, all in order to keep growing. You’ll get through it and thrive as a more genuine you because of it. I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes of Katy’s: “It’s inevitable that all of the pieces will fit together eventually. You know it’s all about just having the patience to put together that puzzle. And know that you know some of the pieces aren’t going to fit in the right way and you can’t force it.” 

Let the “I don’t know” phase happen. Enjoy it and take wonder in it.

To fully understand the beauty of such a concept, I completely recommend checking her video out if you haven’t already.