I Swear I’m Not Dating My Best Friend

I have this best friend named Jonah. We’ve known each other since high school and I’m not even going to lie, we’re disgustingly cute. We go to universities in different states so whenever we see each other during our holiday breaks, the time spent together is never long enough. We tell each other everything, grab grub and send each other a text message after having a successful rendez-vous (yes, we compete for who has the most by the end of each semester). We spend a ton of time together due to shared boredom and lack of having other friends and our parents practically want us to marry. The thing is — we’re not dating and we don’t plan on it even though everyone is pushing for the ship. I swear, everyone has a Jonah. Throughout our friendship, these are some things that ALWAYS happens:

1. Strangers and colleagues ask, “Is this your boyfriend/girlfriend?”

FRIENDS would never ask this; real ones know what is going on in your life. Yes, we came to this event together, and yes they are helping me down the stairs because my heels are killing me. No, we are not going to hold hands.  

2. We’re lowkey inseparable

Catch us hitting each other up for food ALL of the time whether it be sushi for brunch or pizza for a midnight snack. If we’re not down to spend food money, our families cook each other dinner — we’re honorary family members. Some people get mad at us because we come as a package; you can’t invite one of us without the other.

3. Strangers and colleagues get confused when they see us “talking” to other people

We have other friends. We aren’t interested in each other. We can be separated sometimes. We’re tryna holla at everyone else ja’feel? One good thing is that we’re both each other’s wingman and we surprisingly are effective (except that one time I visited Jonah in Oregon).

4. We’re always on each others’ Snapchat or other forms of social media

We live for embarrassing and documenting each other. Gotta make the 10 second memories last a lifetime. We also take any opportunity to humiliate each other.

5. Making others uncomfortable with how close we are

It’s great when you spit out an inside joke and no one else has any idea what is going on. Casual kisses on the cheek and compliments to show that we love each other and have some type of worth. It’s pretty gross, actually, but worth the reactions from everyone else.

• best friend
• chapman
• long distance friendships