It’s no secret that women are inherently gorgeous, funny, incredible, and all-around the superior sex to men. So when men come crawling back after their mistakes, did they FINALLY learn their lesson? Have they had some sort of rom-com realization and go running over to their ex-girl’s house ready to fall on their knees and beg?
Yeah right. If you ask me, college-aged guys are just out to make your life harder. Or so I thought. Only time will tell.
If you are a waitress at a semi-decent restaurant, like me, the absolute last thing you want during a rush is an unexpected text. My latest serious fling decided to text me “to talk” right in the middle of a busy Tuesday (yeah, busy Tuesday nights rarely, if ever, happen.)
Your first response, should this ever happen to you, would be thinking about throwing your phone in the trash, Twitter and important photos be damned, and lighting it on fire. Then you would text all of your friends for help. I could only imagine the whole list of stupid reasons he wanted to talk. He wants his pants back? Does he want to fool around in the fall? Could he possibly want to do something nice? Don’t think so!
Your coworker will drone on in your ear about a “Wait an hour and a half MINIMUM” and you’ll start to swear off millennial dating. There are cats in shelters everywhere waiting to be adopted. Maybe your parents wouldn’t be the best grandparents? College dating is a remote wasteland. Honestly, being celibate forever doesn’t even seem that bad. Women not only have an innate desire to find out about everything, but they also have too much curiosity to ever be satiated. The Pittsburgh collegiate dating pool is so vast and stressful that nobody is a rare commodity here. There is someone like you everywhere. In a world where you can just swipe right on Tinder and meet your newest fling, it probably is pretty important. Whatever your ex wants.
You’ll probably screw up and embarrass yourself immediately with a weird greeting. Why are texts so much easier to screw up than communicating in person? Do not turn your phone off. Your mom will be bugging you to figure out when you’re coming home and if you miss a call from her, not even God will be able to bail you out.
What would the icon of young women, Carrie Bradshaw, do? At the least, deduce the mystery to publish it to the masses of girls who are probably lying in bed squinting at their phone in the dark, kind of like how I was when I wrote this.
The moral of this story is that no matter what you do it doesn’t matter. Being single means you’re just taking a minute to stand still and have some fun. Maybe people look at it as being nobody wants you. Maybe some people see it as an essential to college life. For me, it’s just a way of taking some time to do some self-care and recollect.
To end my mystery, me and my ex talked until midnight, sending each other terrible memes as kids do these days. Don’t be afraid to pull people back from before. Maybe people are just actually really terrible, but you know what you need. Being cool and chill with whatever happens is in vogue now. Honestly, honey, at this point, it’s sort of “everything goes.” Make some new friends with people you passed up. Cut your hair. Maybe everything is terrible and we’re on this hamster wheel running towards our future where we’ll never be able to pay back all our debt but that’s okay! Text people back. Get a tattoo. Nothing matters anyway so you might as well do what you want and smooth over some rough relationships, right?