College can be stressful! How can I decide on something as nerve-racking as choosing a major? How do I ensure that I’m on the right path?
I can vividly remember applying for colleges and being constantly asked by family and friends, “So what do you plan on majoring in?” Which to me sounded a lot like, “So what do you plan on doing for the rest of your life? Oh- and make sure you pick something good because you’re stuck doing that job forever!” I held the notion that once I picked my major that was it—that would be my purpose.
So, I packed my bags and headed off to the University of Cincinnati where I planned on being an exploratory student. After years of childish daydreaming about careers such as becoming a rock star, a world-famous vet, or even a reality star on TLC, I landed on nothing. On that dreaded word— undecided.
It was embarrassing to admit to others that I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. Hearing all my friends excitedly discuss their future plans made me feel like I was falling behind. I began to believe that I wasn’t going to make it in this world because of my inability to set a clear path for my future.
Fall semester came and it was the first time in my life that I had ever left my home, family, and friends. I was determined to begin a new life at the University of Cincinnati. I always expected college to be like what I saw in the movies—glamorous parties, bubbly students excited for a new semester, and that feeling of freedom all teenagers crave. I was determined to find myself here. I was determined to find my purpose. Yet, college wasn’t exactly as inspiring as I had hoped.
I quickly realized that college felt kind of lonely. I was homesick, scared, and ready to leave the communal bathrooms in the dust. I felt like everyone around me was thriving—the girls in my hall always giggled about parties, my classmates never complained about being homesick, and everyone seemed to be surrounded by friends. My mother had told me that college would be “the best years of my life,” but so far all I had discovered was which foods to avoid in the dining hall and which Starbucks sold the best chai tea lattes. What made me so different? Why was I the outlier?
One afternoon, I reached my breaking point. I couldn’t handle the monotoned lectures, the ever-so-tiny print of my textbooks, and the awkward, “So what’s your name and major?” questions that were as constant as the rising and setting of the sun. I craved privacy, I needed space. Even worse, I still hadn’t been magically inspired to pick up a career in aerospace engineering, or ophthalmology, or something that made me feel like I had a purpose. So, I found a nice little bench hidden in the trees, sat down, and began to cry.
I don’t think ‘cry’ is the right word— I was sobbing. My face buried in my hands, chest heaving, as I struggled to control the emotions spilling out of me. Suddenly, a girl was standing near the bench. She outstretched her hand, and, without a word, handed me a post-it note. The note read, “I hope your day gets better :) and you have a good weekend, you are so loved.”
I didn’t know this girl; I hadn’t even spoken a word to her. She was your average everyday college student— one of those girls I looked at with jealousy. With a self-assured stance and a trendy outfit, she walked away while talking loudly and happily on the phone with a friend, embodying the kind of confidence I yearned for. I realized that I was not meant to sit idly by and wait for my life’s purpose to come to me, I had to go out and find it myself.
As cliché as it may sound, I decided to get involved in campus activities. I knew I enjoyed writing, so what better way to explore this hobby and find other like-minded people than to join a writing club? I like to sing, so why not join the choir? I like to inspire, so why not find a place where I can share my thoughts with others, why not start writing for Her Campus Cincinnati?
In these clubs, I met some of my best friends. I found people who inspired me to look deep inside of myself, to push away all the expectations, and just let myself be me. It was for these people who inspired me to be creative that I realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life exploring the written word. I want to share, explore, and change the world by doing something that inspires me. I was so proud of myself when I could finally change my major from undecided to decided. I wanted to pursue a degree in English.
It took some time, but I found my people and I found my passion. In my first semester of college, I learned to appreciate the beauty in the everyday. I had been so stressed about what lay ahead of me that I almost missed the beauty unfolding around me in the present. Through my stress, grief, and anger, I discovered myself. As a mentor once explained to me, “College may not be the best years of your life, but they will be the years in which you will grow the most.”
I don’t know what my future holds, and maybe my goals will change as I grow. But that’s the beauty of it, just like a river bends to the whims of its surroundings, I too, am adaptable. I can survive every step. And so can you dear reader.
Don’t stress about the “What ifs?” or the “Will I’s?”
Remember that it will get better and that you are so loved.