If you work in the healthcare field, death surrounds you. Being a CNA specializing in palliative care and hospice, I work one on one with clients who will soon be passing in a months time. While you are aware of this, the moment it happens hits different. Many people who find out what I do for work, say they could never do it because they would get attached. This comment is insulting to caregivers, CNA’s, whoever else it may apply to. Because while checking off a list of duties you need to complete, you are also supposed to be a companion. This weekend, one of my clients passed away and I thought about the five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Everyone deals with grief differently, some people experience all of these emotions but some just skip some or don’t experience them.
- Denial
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Once I found out the news and even to this day, it is still hard to believe she is not walking around on this earth. I thought “this can’t be happening, no way” and right away I went into isolation and wanted to be alone. I went into mycar but immediately the support of others came in. I was numbing my emotions because had I accepted it, I would have sunk into the next stages faster.
- Anger
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I did not experience this, I was not angry nor did I direct it at my loved ones.
- Bargaining
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I thought about the things I could have done differently prior to losing the client. On the last night, I was with her, I spent time with her and comforted her in her last couple of moments. But I could not help but second guess myself on anything I personally could have differently.
- Depression
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There are two different types of depression associated with mourning, the first one has its realistic connotations of sadness and regret. The second one is more private and subtle. It is true, sometimes we just need a hug (Psych Central).
- Acceptance
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Peace meets you at this stage, what has helped is thinking that they are in a much better place. A sensation of calm, rest, tranquillity fills your void. While it may take days, months or years, reaching this stage is very important for your own personal benefit in regards to mental health. I am reaching acceptance.
Losing someone is always hard, so if you need to reach out to your loved ones for support who may be going through a similar situation, helps. Contacting medical professionals and therapists too. The feeling is like no other and can when in the depression stage, one can sink. Surround yourself with love and help, get all the support you need so you do not have to go through this alone.
*Disclaimer, this is a sensitive topic and can leave some people even more in the dumps. The suicide hotline is 1-800-273-8255.