What You Missed This Week on ‘Dance Moms’

Of course, like any other episode, we start off with the usual banter. Abby Lee chooses Maddie to be on top of the pyramid, which pleases her mother, Melissa, and bothers all the other mothers who begin to speculate upstairs in their little area. They wonder aloud why their daughters were not chosen to head the pyramid, brag about their achievements and improvements since last week, and sometimes find ways to take subtle digs at the chosen dancer, as if their child will never, ever be chosen again. Whatever. Anyone who watches it knows the drill. New viewers: do not be alarmed by this bitter bickering; it is relatively tame.
 
Abby then worsens the news for most of these
moms by saying that only Maddie and Chloe will have a solo dance at the competition and everyone else will only partake in the group dance. Now, all of the mothers other than Melissa and Christi, Chloe’s mom, are now officially ticked off.
 
Then, Abby gives them the best news of all: their daughters — most of whom have never even seen a day of middle school — will be performing a “Showgirl” routine! Which is totallyyyyy appropriate, of course. Additionally, the costumes are not only questionable, but Abby asks them to dance, perform, and think as if they are naked.
 
Sorry… I can’t even be sarcastic anymore. Abby was straddling the line between appropriate and possible subjection to accusations of pedophilia.
 
Once arriving at the Fire and Ice Dance Competition, even the judges were a bit skeptical about the appropriateness of their outfits. So, they did not place. But, they did impress Abby. Which is equivalent to a first place medal hanging around their necks. Or five.
 
Also, Chloe was runner up to Maddie for Junior Division Solo. At least Abigail got something right.
 
We Were Acting Jerky, so Let’s Forget the Beef
Something rather bizarre happens in this episode: Cathy, the owner of Candy Apple Dance Studio, calls Christi to ask her for a favor. Now, for non-viewers, Abby Lee Dance Company (ALDC) and Candy Apple’s Dance Studio (CADS) are like the Sharks and the Jets of West Side Story, except without all the singing or masculinity, but with the same amount of aggression. Maybe even more.
 
Anyways, Cathy asks Christi to allow Chloe to do a commercial for her husband’s new beef jerky company. FYI, not only is this their studio’s archrival, but a few episodes back, I do remember Abby and crew rolling up into the CADS dressing room about 15 deep concerning the whereabouts of an ALDC bumblebee costume (I’m completely serious). And I believe Cathy informed them that she gave the costume to Goodwill. Not only did she get obvious glee from telling them this, but then, she calls out Christi for wearing a God-awful top covered in sequins and says she looks like a “disco ball.” This is, unfortunately, a pretty accurate description. Christi responded by calling her the B word in front of all of the children, and I do NOT mean broad. Needless to say, things got a little out of hand.

Prior to this, Cathy ridiculed Christi about her nose. She also made a reference to the Whos of Whoville.
 
So, naturally, when Cathy asks if Christi would allow Chloe to help advertise beef jerky, Christi says yes like any other normal person would say to their rival who criticizes their bad taste across national broadcast waves. And Chloe does her part in the commercial well! The leotard spontaneously covered in beef jerky really set it off!
 
In other news
The mothers threw an engagement party for Melissa, who has yet to even announce her completely obvious engagement. She’s clearly so excited that she just forgot. The ladies make a slight mistake when they hire a stripper for the party, as Melissa is the more reserved and less controversial of the group.  But, he did not go to waste. Abby Lee thoroughly admired the stripper’s work. Let’s just say it is something to see for yourself!

Stay Tuned for next week’s episode that airs Tuesday at 9pm on Lifetime!

Sources: 
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