August 2013: I arrived at Carnegie Mellon University excited for the best four years of my life. I started very indifferent towards everything and spent the fall semester just cruising and living off of what I called a “fun high” that lingered after orientation week. I shrugged off bad grades and laziness. Who cares? I was here for the adventures! What’s school? Psht. Then spring semester arrived. Not only was I finishing my homework two weeks ahead of time (which for me is unheard of), but I also became hungry with ambition. Suddenly Dancer’s Symposium, Greek life, and some minor business clubs weren’t enough. Within seconds I found myself whirled up in a personal tornado as I dove headfirst into my sorority, Greek Sing, and Booth. The tornado left some strange debris as I suddenly found the strangest club emails in my inbox. When did I sign up for this?! What troubled me wasn’t that I enjoyed being super involved; it was the fact that within hours, the thought of winning and being on top consumed me. I started striving to make everything I was involved with perfect inside and out. And then came paranoia. If classmates wanted to do the same extracurricular as me, I would get possessive and think they wanted to be better than me. By the next day, I essentially became obsessed with molding myself into a golden trophy. If you looked into my eyes, I’m pretty sure there were daggers that glared right back. But what for?
Nowadays, the general pressure of succeeding and outdoing our peers has caused us to feel like we need to constantly win or accomplish something extraordinary in order to be worthy. Unique. Loved. Feared. Somebody. Whether it’s from society or our parents, it’s present all around us. Our lives have transformed from a nice relaxing jog into an Olympic 100m dash. Winning isn’t even the main objective anymore. Every person just wants nothing more but to rob competitors of the possibility of gaining any advantage. That wind we create during our sprints? We all secretly hope it blows the person in the next lane to Antarctica. Oh, and if you’re one of those people that don’t know what you want to do with you life yet, you’re screwed. Good luck finding solid friends, not becoming an alcoholic, or even getting married. Nobody wants a loser, right?
So back to my question…what for? Being a part of such a remarkably gifted student body has opened my eyes to the answer: we don’t want to envy; we want to be envied. This irrational fear of losing our spotlight has brainwashed everybody, even myself! Competition has broken up relationships, friendships, and most importantly people’s touch with who they are. It’s turned us all into monsters that have no remorse for playing dirty and sabotaging their own values to get some shining medal.
So what if you are a little off your game every now and then? Isn’t that just room to improve? And if you’re going to stomp over all your networks just to get what you want, who is going to celebrate with you when you’ve reached the top? Who is going to help you win your next medal? A little competition is healthy. A constant never-ending war with the world is toxic. Stop turning everything into a race, because if you let that fiery burn inside you grow too fast during your sprint, you might just burst into flames.