This isn’t déjà vu—it’s part 2. In a past article, I put together a list of brutal reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, but I didn’t even come close to running out of material. There are a lot of bad movies in the world, and a lot of reviewers who have very strong words to say. For your amusement, again, here are eighteen absolutely savage reviews on movies that received 0% on Rotten Tomatoes.
Elfie Hopkins
“There are moments when even the actors seem embarrassed to be there.” (Jessica Lambert)
Keith Lemon: The Film
“In some inner circle of Hell, this movie will be forever playing.” (Christopher Tookey)
Confession of a Child of the Century
“As dull and cumbersome as its title.” (David Aldridge)
Run for Your Wife
“Run for the exit.” (Tom Huddleston)
Lotus Eaters
“A lazily directed, flabby look at a group of young, too-rich Londoners whose lives are so miserable you’ll be tempted to give up your money and move to an ashram or monastery.” (Harvey S. Karten)
Love, Wedding, Marriage
“If there is a special hell for film critics, it probably has movies like “Love, Wedding, Marriage” on continuous rotation.” (Jeannette Catsoulis)
The Perfect Age of Rock ‘n’ Roll
“Some films are merely tired: This completely unoriginal Almost Famous wannabe is downright exhausted—and exhausting to sit through.” (David Noh)
Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star
“I’m not sure how many tedious sex jokes and humorless physical gags people can take before they run out of the theater screaming, but Bucky Larson: Born to Be a Star certainly tests the limits.” (Amy Curtis)
Reuniting the Rubins
“Most people would rather spend five years in a Hamas dungeon than endure their company.” (Philip French)
An Invisible Sign
“What’s the sign for boredom?” (Lou Lumenick)
Kalamity
“There isn’t enough plot in this amateurish mope-athon to fill up a half-hour TV show.” (Kyle Smith)
Pimp
“You wouldn’t think a film could actually be both very boring and very offensive. Pimp is that paradox made flesh.” (Ellen E Jones)
Fred: The Movie
“The film’s a 12A because it contains “behaviour that would be dangerous if copied”. Quite right, too. If I ever see anyone acting like Fred, I’ll probably loose off a shotgun at them.” (Robbie Collin)
Homecoming
“Too lazy, preposterous and inane to even be considered as a guilty pleasure.” (Avi Offer)
Super Capers
“Featuring the production values of a commercial for a local used-car dealership in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Super Capers is a pathetic grab bag of spoofs.” (Kyle Smith)
Echelon Conspiracy
“Echelon Conspiracy is a more evocative title than a movie this stupid deserves.” (James Berardinelli)
One Missed Call
“The best part of the movie is the fact that, at a running time of an hour and a half, it’s mercifully short.” (Philip Marchand)
Shank
“If this is the future of film then we’re all doomed.” (Philip Wilding)