I had just hung up from a phone call with my mother when an epiphany struck me: Carnegie Mellon has turned me into a compulsive liar. I’m very close with my mom and dad, but not always truthful — in fact, I could probably write a memoir about all the lies I’ve told my parents and still have enough substance for a sequel. College has an unconventional culture, and we have all had that moment when we realize that you must truly be immersed in it in order to really understand it. I think we can all agree that when it comes to mom and dad, some words are better left unsaid.
I’ve done some digging around Carnegie Mellon, and have unearthed some of our best fictions. Some of them are typical: spending food money on Modcloth and wine, eating cookies for breakfast when we talk about our healthy diets, and charging your birth control on your parents’ credit card because you need it for cramps. And then there are my personal favorites, the real winning tickets. I’m not about to expose anyone to mom and dad; all names have been changed to prevent future groundings.
Sorority Secrets
When Jenna joined a sorority, she told her parents that they were paying dues for a homework club. As far as they know, her Big is an older girl who tutors her when she struggles in a class, the letters she wears across her chest represents a mathematical formula, and the club’s events raises money for new study materials. Her parents admire the way Jenna utilizes her resources to be the best student she can be.
Cuddling Concoctions
Becky keeps a lot of details from her mother, but her relationship with Jack isn’t one of them. One day, Becky was telling her mom a funny story that happened between her and Jack one morning, when her mother cut her off. “What were you doing in Jack’s bed?” Becky froze. “I went over there in the morning to cuddle and make breakfast.” It was the first thing that had popped into her head! “Oh. That was nice of you,” her mother said. They never mentioned it again.
Spring Break Stretches
Rachel did have plans to go on a mom-approved spring break trip to the beach, but when her friends bailed, and the new plan was to spend the free week at home, Rachel had other ideas. Why spend all week loafing around her hometown, when she could spend it here with the rest of her friends? Knowing her mother would be upset if Rachel chose Pittsburgh over home, Rachel began to stretch the truth. “We’re actually only going to be at the beach for half the week, so we’ll leave straight from school and come back on Sunday.” That turned into “A couple people are dropping out because we’re having trouble finding a place to rent.” Which eventually turned into, “you know, Mom, we were all talking and decided to stay here and just go on a bunch of day trips.” While Rachel got to the truth eventually, her strategic stretch of it cushioned the blow.
Walking White Lies
When Tara and Mike had been hooking up, the morning after was always the same: she would wake up at the crack of dawn, and he would sleep until noon. One Saturday morning, Tara couldn’t lie in bed any longer, so at 9 AM she embarked on the walk back to her dorm. Feeling chatty, Tara decided to call the one person she knew would be awake at this early hour: “Hi Grandma! I’m just calling to say hi before I start studying… Why am I up so early? Oh, I’m just coming back from Starbucks. Have you tried their new seasonal flavor? I’m drinking it right now…”
Photoshop Fallacies
What’s important to understand is that Vanessa truly did deserve the A. But when mid-semester grades came out, her Introduction to Chemical Engineering professor saw things differently, and gave Vanessa a B. This was unacceptable, and there were only two ways to make it right: study hard for the next seven weeks to raise her grade by the end of the semester, and in the meantime, pay a visit to the computer clusters for a little editing. Vanessa strategically photoshopped her B into an A, and recalculated her QPA accordingly. Her mother was very impressed with the outcome of Vanessa’s hard work.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Honesty is the best policy,” but we can’t always adhere to that — (after all, even Franklin wasn’t perfect.) The point is that we all have moments we would rather not share with our parents. As long no one is hurt or in serious legal trouble, just keep doing what you’re doing, and we won’t tell mom and dad you’re doing anything differently.
Photo Credits:
http://weheartit.com/entry/556…
http://weheartit.com/entry/558…
http://weheartit.com/entry/555…