College is meant to be a time of exploration, freedom, and growth. New adults learn how to manage their time, swapping between the all-important domains of friendship, academics, and self-identity. While college is the time to flourish, it is also a time of great vulnerability. From losing the familiar environment of their hometown to leaving the support network they once had back at home, traumatic events have the potential to have devastating effects on others. One of the most impactful events, the loss of a loved one, is an all-too-common occurrence for students. The most important thing to remember? You are never alone.
Without getting into too many details, I have had a lot of grief in my life. It comes in waves, turning tranquil beaches into tsunamis at a moment’s notice- but the past semester was more difficult than I could have imagined. The first few days after the deaths, it was like nothing happened. I acted the same, looked the same, and even felt the same. I think I just hadn’t processed everything yet. Things started to get more difficult. I got more tired each day, despite my workload being the same. Things that brightened my day were dimmer. I started to isolate myself from others and fell behind in my classes. Embarrassment and shame coursed through my veins as I struggled to do even basic things, like brushing my teeth or doing my laundry. Bitter disappointment would slam into me each time I would look at my grades or the ever-growing pile of laundry. Each day, both the work and clothing grew, and it felt insurmountable. I was swimming against a riptide, and no matter what I tried, it just felt impossible to escape.
I am fortunate to have had professors who cared. In-class, I am typically outspoken and active, so my change in demeanor and my sudden drop in attendance raised red flags for my professors. They reached out to me, and pointed me towards the counseling center. Cautiously, I went. Going to the building felt like admitting that I couldn’t get through this myself. That I would have to burden others by asking for help. That I was weak.
I now know walking into that building was one of the strongest things I’ve done.
I will be forever grateful to the therapist who was so kind as to help me and gently guide me through my grief. Therapy was no immediate cure for how I was feeling. Even with them, everything needed so much effort to be completed. Being patient with yourself through the grieving process was a hard lesson to learn, but with how difficult grief is, it’s essential. I don’t remember who said this, but I will never forget the first time I read this quote about dealing with grief. How do you deal with grief?
“By running from it until it finds me in the middle of a sunny street on a beautiful day.”Â
It reminds me that the grieving process isn’t linear. You don’t just constantly get better- just like most things, it’s all about the trend. It is okay to think about your lost loved ones and be sad. It’s okay if some days are harder than others. It’s okay to not be okay.Â
There are always people out there who want to help. If you ever feel alone, please reach out. Someone will be there to help. Whether your shores are silent or storming, someone will always care.Â
Peace, for now.
-Joey