At first, the idea of taking yourself on a date may sound cheesy and maybe even a little embarrassing— “What if people think I’m weird?” or “What am I supposed to do if I have no one to talk to?” are the thoughts that start to pop up. Well, I’m here to tell you that going on a solo date to a restaurant or movie theater is actually not awkward at all. Not only does it give you the time to explore who you really are, but you get to have one-on-one time with the person that’s going to be with you for the rest of your life: yourself.
So, if you want to build your self-love but are too nervous to ask yourself on a date, here are some solid tips for how to work up the courage to finally take a day for you:
Start casual and choose your favorite place
Think of yourself as another person: It’s your first date and you want them to be comfortable! Take yourself to a hotspot you already frequent, even if it’s a place you normally hang with friends. Think local coffee shops, thrift stores, that type of thing. It’s much easier to start small and work your way up to a fancy dinner for one.
Be inquisitive & Learn more about yourself
Most people think they know everything about themselves, so they don’t bother to ask any questions. Challenge that belief. Say you’re getting coffee and stumble upon a new cappuccino flavor you want to try— what do you like about it? When did you start liking that flavor? Was it when you were seven and your mom let you take a sip of her coffee? Or have you never experienced any flavors like it before? There are so many new things to learn about yourself (and old things to unearth).
Notice any uncomfy thoughts, too
Maybe you catch someone staring at you and you think they’re judging you for being alone. Group social settings can often protect us from judgment, but when you’re alone, there’s more room for uncomfy feelings. This is sometimes a part of the first few dates with yourself, and that’s totally okay! Think through all the tough feelings that come up when you’re alone. Believe it or not, the more you think about and accept these feelings, the easier it gets. The feelings will start to shrink more and more until you are completely focused on yourself, just like how you focus on a friend when you’re hanging out with them.
Offer yourself your own love language
For those unfamiliar with the five love languages, here’s a quiz to help you determine your top language. Once you know how you receive love, find a way to offer it back to yourself! Gift-giving? Buy yourself a nice dessert or piece of jewelry while you’re out. Words of affirmation? Reflect on five things you love about yourself. Get creative and show yourself how much you care.
Notice what you Enjoy Most & create traditions
Take note of what you especially enjoyed doing. A few examples may be shopping at a specific store, buying a favorite food item from a bakery, or stopping to sit on a certain bench while taking a nature hike. Now that you’ve taken note, do more of it! Dates may not always be perfect, and that’s okay, but notice the small wins and repeat them. Soon, you’ll be taking yourself shopping or hiking every week and it’ll become a nice comfy tradition. The nice thing about personal traditions is they’re shrouded in wonderful secrecy, making them even more special.
In short, taking yourself on dates is criminally underrated, and once you learn how to pull off a solid date, your life will literally change. Be patient with yourself through the process and remember to have fun! Don’t knock it ’til you try it (…once you try it, you won’t knock it).