Love and relationships have been on my mind for a few reasons lately, so I decided to write a little something down about what I have been thinking in the hopes that y’all will enjoy, and benefit from, the fountain of wisdom bursting forth from my worldly 19-year-old brain.
The first (and most obvious) reason love has been on my mind is that we just collectively celebrated Valentine’s Day! Also known as that special day of the year when many of us indulge in rampant consumerism in an effort to stock up on goodwill for the coming year where we will, without a doubt, do something so boneheaded that it will make our significant others question why they sometimes allow us to smush our faces against their faces.Â
Nice, love me some face smushin’!
The other reasons are less obvious because they happened in my own life and are probably not on the public’s radar in the way a national holiday is. Understandable. A recent amorous experience of mine as well as observations of some of my friends’ love lives were my true motivations for writing this piece on “knowing your worth.” Although this is a fairly basic topic often trotted out in advice writings, it is a vitally important notion that really cannot be revisited enough or too frequently. Seeing as I kind of concocted a little catchphrase for the article to give it some symmetry, I should probably define exactly what it is I am communicating when I say “know your worth.”
So what does it mean to “know your worth,” and why is it an important concept?
A short while ago I found myself on an epic journey to spend the weekend with what could be called a “fellowship” of my close friends at their school. However, as I and many other adventurers know, the quests we embark upon are often much more dramatic than they at first appear. I was also going to hang out with a particular young man I had met recently.
 In a way, Frodo and I were both on a quest for “the precious.”
Lord of the Rings references aside, I was having a pretty good time at a party with my friends and said guy, up until he started to get pretty *ahem* physical with me. As I said before, I “love me some face smushin'” as much as the next person, but I was interested in taking things more slowly. When I made it clear to the young man that, no, we would not be enjoying an evening of carnal romance, he got salty pretty fast and left the party. Although he later texted me a couple of times, I decided not to respond because I knew I was worth more than how I had been treated. (Which was a shame because boy, was he good looking.)
Observing the experiences my friends have and the relationships they are involved in also inspired me to write this article. Watching people you care about linger in relationships that so clearly make them unhappy and hold them back from experiencing new facets of life is one of the most frustrating and upsetting parts of… well, caring about other people I suppose. Why do so many people stay in situations like this? It is undoubtedly because they have not yet recognized they deserve something different – something more. Â Â
Essentially, “knowing your worth” is loving yourself, and admitting and acting upon the knowledge that you are worth the things in life that make you happy.Â
How can we incorporate this notion in our dating endeavors?
Remember that girl from earlier who was all, “No sir! I am going to clear you out of the way to make room for someone who will treat me like the goddess I know I am!”?Â
Too much?
Learn from that girl! Believe me, it took years and a medley of emotional adventures for her to be the kind of person she needed to be in order to walk away (and stay away) from someone who did not respect her as much as she respected herself.
So how can we define our worth to ourselves in a way that is meaningful and applicable to our lives? I suggest a contract of expectations, whether it is something you have written down or perhaps you keep a bulleted list tucked away in the corner of your brain. These are nebulous guidelines because our expectations have to be truthful and specific to ourselves. Perhaps start by answering the questions: “What does a relationship in which I am happy look like?” and “Why do I deserve this happiness?”
Learn to spot the people who are not going to bring happiness into your life early, and do not invite people who are not willing to recognize your worth into your life. If you start to see that people you may care about (who are already a part of your life) are not treating you to the standards you set for yourself in your contract, then you had better remedy the situation by clearly expressing your wishes and expectations for your relationship with the other person. If they are not willing or able to rise to your standards, accept that you have the power to let them go and be confident in the knowledge that you are still whole without them.
Although this is an all-encompassing philosophy that applies to all kinds of relationships, it is especially critical in dating because of the inherently intimate and influential nature of romantic relationships. A not-so-counterintuitive part of this occurs when we learn this principle is a two way street. Respect is a reciprocal creature, and of the utmost importance when engaging in romantic love.
Having expectations is not being needy or demanding; to have these expectations and to know your own worth is to have respect and love for yourself. Not only are you better for your partner, you are a better version of you.
We are going to ride this one out on the words of this magnificent and hilarious lady who explains in two sentences what I have been prattling on about for the whole of this article:
Mhmmm, gotta love that concise wisdom!