As the icon SZA notoriously said, “It’s cuffing season and all the girls are leaving to get a big boy”… As the whimsical Valentine’s season nears and the weather grows chillier, we all secretly long for a loving partner to spend the next months all comfy and cozy bundled by the fire with some chocolates. February is just extra romantic when you have someone special to hold close and create winter memories with. So how do you turn your yearning crush, complex situationship, or friend you harbor hidden feelings for into a fully-fledged relationship? Journeying from the “friendzone” into something more can be an intimidating, downright emotionally exhausting process. Here are my simple yet verified successful methods in how to shoot your shot:
Don’t censor yourself
You want to be loved for your true, genuine self, not a mask of feigned perfection or a highlight reel of only your best parts. Display your full fun personality instead of presenting what you think others may enjoy or prefer. Imagine if you snagged your crush by putting on a faƧade and having to constantly act or perform the entire duration you are with them! Laugh your authentic chuckle, wear your signature style that you’re comfortable with, and express your bona fide sense of humor the way you naturally would with friends. Of course, it is always in your best interest to be extra polite and mannered, but your destined person will be attracted to all your candid little quirks and mannerisms.
contact appropriately
No more bombarding spam messaging on your apps or constant double checking notifications for a response. It is perfectly okay to double or triple text to show your engagement or interest in your potential partner, but make sure the conversation is flowing requited and equal participation from both sides. If one individual is entirely prompting and sustaining the dialogue while the other party is not responding with enthusiasm, they are likely not into you and should be released from your mind’s hold. Keep the contact frequent enough that you do not vanish like a ghost from their mind’s attention. You want the blip notification of your name on their phone to be a cheeky reminder of your presence as “wifey material”. Also: change up your contact platforms! Call, converse in person, Facetime, or ‘speak in Instagram Reels’ in between all the texting to have your communication stay exciting!
take creative initiative
Switch up the narrative: girls typically do not make the initial smooth move and ask their crush out first, so stun the other party by creatively offering a date or hangout. Make the fancy dinner reservation, introduce your best suave pick-up line via dating apps, impromptu host a late night hangout sesh, or plan a quick coffee date with a simple first text. It does not go unnoticed when one makes a special, dedicated effort to generate quality time that is personalized towards a shared experience to cherish. A bubbly toasty feeling settles into your chest when someone thinks of you without prompting and goes out of their daily routine to produce joy for you. Similar to when an eager employee who spontaneously takes on extra tasks with creative energy will impress the expectations of the boss and thus receives a promotion, a prospective partner who conveys interest by being resourceful and proactive will catch the eye of their crush. No one wants a remiss lover who forgets to give flowers or chocolates on Valentines Day, but the one who plans their date days in ahead. Taking initiative is like putting a shiny exclamation mark on your body, shouting “I’m here, look at me!”.
make expectations known
Express your intentions, boundaries, and expectations of what you want to receive in a relationship. Communicate what type of relationship dynamic or love languages you prefer, what you envision your future goals for a romantic partner to be, or what behavior you won’t tolerate to better find who aligns with your personal belief and lifestyles for a higher possibility of a lasting connection. If you are a nurturing “mother friend” type who has always dreamed of having kids, make sure your potential person is aware that creating a family is your vision for a long-term relationship, and that you will not compromise your lifelong values to appease someone. The same mentality goes for if you are a hustle queen who is deeply invested in her work life; you must be on the same page of mutual respect of lifestyles and acknowledging your agreed upon terms and conditions of being together. These questions act as a filtration and checking system, as clashing opinions on life and love can boldly highlight if someone is not truly a match for you. Make or break, if you state your intentions and goals up-front early on, the fish in the sea not meant for you will willingly swim away and you will save yourself the precious effort and time for someone who is your perfect catch.
*Disclaimer*: Obviously do not scare your dating pool by instantly screaming “WE NEED TO GET MARRIED OR ELSE I’M QUITTING” in the first couple days of meeting an interested party. Immediately mentioning sensitive and layered topics such as marriage, owning homes or pets, or having children is rushing ahead too far with expectations and going to frighten others with the high demand.
