When I tell people I’m in a long distance relationship, you get about two different responses. Positive ones and negative ones. Although long distance is not ideal, I believe it can be worked through so it doesn’t have to be harder than it already is. Which it is hard, let me tell you. But it is still a relationship at the end of the day, and that is something to be celebrated. I have had two long distance relationships. One that failed, and one that is going very well. Here are some mistakes I’ve made and some tricks I’ve found when doing long distance.
Communicate… As always
In every relationship article, whether it is dealing with families, friends, or partners, I will always write about communication. When I was in past relationships before, I thought I was communicating. But true communication comes from expressing your feelings AND hearing/validating your partners. I’ve learned that from my current boyfriend. Coming to a clear understanding at the end of the conversation is important and productive. I agree that dialogue is important, but the solution is also of great concern. Talk to your partner, there is a reason you are with them!
no expectations
When I was in my first long distance relationship, I went into it thinking so many things were going to go a certain way. Of course, that was not the case. That is how expectations go most of the time. In order to not put pressure on your relationship in this tough time, I would let things happen the way they do without assuming they will happen the way you want. Because maybe it’s better than what you expected. Let your relationship find it’s own schedule and flow by itself. I promise you won’t regret it. It leaves you feeling more confident in your relationship and a lot less heartbroken at things not turning out the way you planned.
find time to call/talk
Talk to your partner!! If you stop talking to them, it will be really hard to connect when you’re without them. So, I would recommend finding time to call. At least every other day. Here is my one cavoite with this, try not to make a schedule out of it. For example, if you are supposed to call your partner every day at a single time, you or your partner could miss out on other enjoyable opportunities. And when someone may pick to do something else rather than call, someone’s feelings could get hurt. That is why I recommend every other day, and you will find a schedule eventually. Try not to push anything, let things happen and they will fall into place.
give you and your partner room to grow
You both are in different places, which means there is lots of experiences to be had. Possibly without each other. But that is the true test of strength. To let your partner grow and explore, but still come back to you every single day. That is what I’ve found so important. I will go to class, hangout with friends, participate in different things around campus, and still go back to my partner and talk about our days. And neither one of us is hurt or discouraged by the both of us having different lives. We’re both comfortable and open with each other. We are still connected, even if we are not physically together.
do not give up!!
These things I’ve found have made long distance easier, but that still doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. There are some days that are better than others. And each day may bring a certain challenge. But it is so important to persevere. The love between two people is so important, and why let a bit of distance come between that? Allow yourself to fall and make mistakes, but never give up if you really want it to work. Long distance makes or breaks relationships. But I can say honestly, that my long distance experiences have made my current relationship so much stronger.
