“I’m fat!” I can still remember the day that I heard those two words leave my eleven-year-old sister’s mouth. At first, I gave her a look that could only be described as: WTF. Here I was gazing at this child who swims, dances, and will refuse to be picked up early from gym class (literally she will look at me like I’m a martian as she is sprinting around the gym until the bell rings). The little human that I talk about nonstop, a kid who had not a single once of fat on her body was proclaiming to me her very real, yet ill-informed fear. Then, I thought about how different she was from me when I was a child who struggled with my weight: this one definitely won the Collins family genetic lottery. It was only after I compared those two things that I finally thought of the response that finally came.
“Who said that?” She shrugged, and responded with a “nobody.” In her group of friends, she is definitely the most active, but even then none of those young ladies come even close to being candidates for the Biggest Loser.
It was much later before I finally realized where she could possibly have gotten a notion like that and it came from the very person that had sworn to protect her at all costs so many years ago.
Me. I became exactly what I had always wanted to avoid, a hypocrite. Sure, I had never once said to anything derogatory about her weight, but it was when I judged myself that she took the most vital cues. I could recall many times in which she could have possibly overheard me make an off-color comment about my weight. From a simple comment about my stomach not being flat, to my thighs looking big in a photo, I had done the one thing I never wanted to: let her down.
According to StaticBrain.com, 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat. Eighty one percent: that number contains our kids. It contains our little cousins, nieces, sisters, and unfortunately for many of us, ourselves. I can remember the first time I was consciously aware that I was the “fat friend.” I can remember the first time a boy chose my best friend over me, claiming that she was skinnier and prettier. I can remember the moment at just eight years old that I wanted to start dieting and exercising in order to be skinnier. That moment was the beginning of my uphill battle with body image.
In our society, weight is a topic that is always at the forefront. We see magazines plastered with gorgeous women that many of us look up to and strive to be like. However, in recent years we find that many of those women are retouched and Photoshopped so much that they are about as two dimensional as the logos around them. In the middle of our most recent Halloween season, POTUS Donald Trump was reported to be giving out Halloween candy, something every child, regardless of weight, indulges in and looks forward to. However, it was also noted that he made the following comment: “You have no weight problems, that’s the good news, right? So, you take out whatever you need, okay? If you want some for your friends, take ’em. We have plenty.” While I am sure Mr. Trump did not intend for those words to be received negatively, they did not sit well with many people. My first reaction was: “Why even mention weight?”
Photo courtesy of NYMAG
In this photo, which was posted to many news outlets, there was not a single child that remotely looked like they were overweight. Skeptics reading may say: “Sure, Shannon, that’s why he said it,” but I argue that there was no reason to even make that comment in the first place. Not only is the comment unnecessary, but it also came from a male. While many of my personal torments were from people of my own gender, a good number of them were young and older men. Now, I am sure that while many of the adorable young ladies in this photo either didn’t hear it, or even register it, there is still the chance for that comment (intended or not) to leave a lasting impact that could have disastrous results.
Even now, as a Senior in college about to marry the man I love, I still feel the sting of many things that were said to me in my years. For me to say I look in the mirror and always think I look like all that and a bag of chips would be a falsehood, dear reader. Keep in mind, this argument for withholding this talk is not for our girls who do exhibit early signs of anorexia, obesity, or any other life-threatening weight issues. This is for the girls like my sister, the ones who are hard on themselves about everything. For the girls like me, who still today can remember the beginning of their love/hate relationships with heir bodies. This is for every girl who has been made to feel like she isn’t enough, all because of what number some scale spits out or someone’s opinion.
I’m sure that by now, if you are still with us, reader, you are asking: “Well what do we do about this? How do we stop it?” That answer I feel is something that I alone cannot provide. However, I do have a few things I think can help. When you hear someone you love or even yourself say something like this, it is best to not just respond with “No, you’re not fat!” Instead, ask why you/she feels that way. Locating the root of the thought can help determine how you go about managing it. For example, a boy in my sister’s class calling her fat as opposed to her best friend can have very different outcomes and ways to combat it.
I also ask that we change the narrative this society has written for us. After battling my sister for a finally indecisive answer on why she felt that she was fat and assuring her that there was not an once of evidence that she was, I reminded her what our beloved J.K. Rowling asked: “Is fat the worst thing you can be? American culture has convinced us that fat is worse than anything else; than being vain, cruel, even intolerant.”
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Now when I talk to my sister I am ever so careful on what I say. I assure her that she is absolutely beautiful, but that she cannot let that be the only thing that carries her through this life. I assure her that even if she was a little bigger than her friends, that it is completely alright and it is not the end of the world. Recently, I ended my battle with the flu and am thankful for my “Christmas-pounds” that kept my body going while I was cut off from food for two days.
According to Yahoo!Health, 94% of teenage girls have been body shamed. That, my collegiettes, terrifies me. Everyday I hope that girls like my sister, like myself, never have to hear that they aren’t enough, but as someone who lived it, I have to assume it will happen. However, that doesn’t mean that I will ever go quietly into this fight.
We have to remember that our girls are watching us, all the time, and even when we think we are making a closed comment, there is always a chance for it to reach them. We need to not tell them that it won’t happen or to ignore it but to challenge it. To ask why the comment is being made, who is making it, and even more important, is fat really the worst thing a person can be?
As for my sister, I would like to think that surrounding her with smart and beautiful women of all shapes and sizes, I can at least do my part in showing her that women are more than just their physical appearances, and time will truly tell. For now, stay strong, my beautiful, diverse collegiettes and don’t forget to hug your girls, big and small! HCXO