Her Campus Colby is proud to present our first ever advice blog column, “Ask HCC.”
“How do you help a friend who recently has gone through a break up?”
First thing’s first. If the breakup has just occurred, you need to be there for her. Be the shoulder that she cries on, the person to whom she vents. At the beginning of the breakup, it’s best that you stay silent and just listen to what she needs to say, whether that’s anger or sadness, yelling or crying.
Sometimes you may feel obligated to say something, or to offer her advice. You might try to relate to her experience by talking about your last breakup or an experience in your life that’s similar. This is not always the best idea. Sometimes when people are in an emotional state they become defensive, and may see your attempt at relating to their problems as you trying to take the focus away from them. That’s why it might be best to only offer advice when asked and qualify your experiences with phrases like “I know that this is a completely different situation…” or end your sentences with a refocusing back onto your friend.
You may feel tempted to try to point out your friend’s flaws in the breakup, or how her ex might’ve been right at some points. Do not take the ex’s side. It is important to help your friend consider if there was some sort of miscommunication in the breakup, but don’t do that at the expense of losing your friend’s trust or by alienating her. You need to be there for her, so don’t antagonize her.
After an appropriate period of mourning, she should be slowly getting over her significant other. If it seems to be a slow recovery, it’s important that you distract her and keep her busy. Hang out with her a lot, watch a ton of movies (horror, action, comedies – no Titanic or chick flicks) together, take her shopping, go paint-balling, or anything else to keep her mind off of the breakup.
It’s natural for your friend to be sad after a breakup, but if she seems unusually sad and you don’t believe that you can help her anymore, don’t hesitate to suggest that she see a counselor.
Thank you for your questions and we hope this helps – if you have any other questions feel free to ask!!! HCXO