There’s a LOT to unpack from this week’s episodes of Bachelor in Paradise, so LET’S GET TO IT!
Night 1
Angela showed up to the beach causing Clay to low key (actually high key) freak out. Nicole gave her the stink eye for a while before she ultimately pulled the typical “hey girl can I talk to you for a sec?” and aggressively explained that Clay’s “her man” and that she should stay away from him. Angela and her creepy smile insisted that didn’t want to cause drama. Later on, Angela decided to ask Mike on a date, leaving Clay a little jealous and upset. Personally, I’m finding his concern for Angela and what she’s doing a little bit off-putting, especially because he didn’t even introduce Nicole as his girlfriend at Chris and Krystal’s wedding.
Haley and John Paul Jones (JPJ) seemed to be doing well but JPJ also made it pretty clear to everyone that he’s crazy about Tayshia. The beef between Derek and JPJ heated up once again when Derek told Haley that JPJ was interested in Tayshia. Derek’s comments lead to Haley pulling JPJ aside and telling him that she is not interested in being anyone’s backup plan. Now, I’m not a huge fan of Haley, but she absolutely KILLED IT in this situation. Anyways, this naturally caused another screaming match between Derek and JPJ which made Tayshia realize that she may be done with both of their immaturity.
The beach got a little bit hotter when Luke Stone and (Old) Matt Donald from Hannah’s season came down the stairs with date cards for a double date! With Tayshia and Haley being newly single(ish), they were obviously hoping to get asked on the date, but Luke decided to bring Kristina and Matt asked Sydney. The date mainly focused mainly on Matt and Sydney, probably because I don’t think anyone has ever seen a grown man that nervous for a first date. The most awkward part was when Matt’s doesn’t kiss Sydney when she clearly wants him to because he wants to ~take it slow~. You don’t see that too often on Bachelor in Paradise, especially when there’s so little time left on the beach.
Later on, Tayshia (my mature queen) decided that she needed to have conversations with JPJ and Derek about the whole situation. JPJ told Tayshia that he wanted to be with her, and only her, but she still left him crying (like, REALLY crying) on the beach when she said that she wasn’t sure about him. Then, on her power moves only tour, she told Derek that she didn’t think they could get to a point where they could really be happy together outside of Paradise. I mean, this poor guy got his heart broken for a second time on Paradise… Can we blame him for deciding to head out? Maybe he’s our next Bachelor? He definitely has some stiff competition with Pilot Pete and sweet baby Mike, but we could certainly get behind #DerekForBach.
Night Two
While everyone on the beach was still processing Derek’s exit, Blake didn’t really seem to have a clue about what was going on. That boy is confused like ALL the time.
Grandpa Chris decided to have a little poolside chat with JPJ about the situation between him and Tayshia. When he asked if JPJ would have changed anything about his interactions with Derek, JPJ said that he had #noragrets except for the fact that he might have let his anger get the best of him (ya think?). Chris, getting more tv time this week than in all of Paradise combined, also had a conversation with Katie and told her he wanted to “spend the night with her” which is just a Paradise-appropriate version of saying he wanted to sleep with her.
Demi opened up about her relationship with Kristian and said how coming out was so much easier with Kristian by her side. Cutest. Ever. That is all.
A little later JPJ apologized to Tayshia for his behavior and for pressuring her. She low key admitted to the cameras that she has a soft spot for JPJ even though “there’s something wrong with him” because she “kind of likes it.” In perfect timing, he then runs into the ocean and catches a fish in his bare hands, telling Tayshia she has to kiss it so… nothing too out of the ordinary there.
Chase (from JoJo’s season) also came down the stairs this week and, almost immediately, pulled Angela aside to ask her on his date which prompted Clay to have a bro talk with some of the other guys about how it felt to see Angela dating other people (spoiler alert: he didn’t feel too good about it).
Then, out of nowhere, Blake came to the realization that he wanted to be with Kristina… Convenient timing with the upcoming rose ceremony and zero prospects left for him! I don’t believe for a second that he meant any of it; I could smell the desperation through my tv. Kristina wasn’t buying it either (THANK GOD) and told Blake to think about it for another day.
Flash to the rose ceremony, and Matt still didn’t make it to first base with Sydney despite the fact that everyone and their mother was rooting for them. The whole time I felt like it was a middle school dance where their friends were trying to set them up to kiss behind the bleachers. They finally kissed and the producers blessed us with a montage of like a baby calf standing up for the first time and birds flying? I thought I accidentally switched the channel to National Geographic or something, but it was also pretty iconic.
Also, Clay and Angela FINALLY decided to save us all and have a conversation about their past. They talked through their issues and decided that they were just looking for different things in their lives and agreed to move on with their lives and coexist peacefully. Maturity and respect? On BIP? Unheard of.
Speaking of (im)maturity, Blake continued his conversation with Kristina, the new love of his life, and addressed her skepticism by saying that he only wants to be with her. I mean, let’s be real here, has that stopped him before?
When the rose ceremony rolled around I think we all knew that Mike was going home, but it still hurt all the same.
The next morning, everyone was coupled up and happy until Bri walked down the stairs. Yes, the fake-Australian-accent-Bri who everyone forgot about after night one of Colton’s season. That Bri. She pulled Blake aside to chat but Blake actually did something right for once and declined the date with Bri to try to show Kristina that he is going to be loyal to her (this time around).
Then, the ultimate ZINGER of the night. Caelynn. While it seemed like her and Connor were pretty confident in their relationship, all that went out the window when a mustache free Dean came back down the stairs. It was truly the moment we were all waiting for. He pulled Caelynn aside and told her he wanted to stop running away from the good things in his life and, because she was one of those things, he told her he wanted to be with her. The episode ends with Dean asking Caelynn to leave Paradise with him. WHAT? What will Caelynn do?
What will happen between Clay and Angela?
Will John Paul Jones ever stop saying “uhhhh?”
I guess we’ll find out next week!