I hope you’ve enjoyed those summer nights out on the deck, cruising on boats, frolicking in fields, and those days spent falling asleep at your desk, because now the time has come for back to school. A season where scared and excited freshman try their first Koronets slice, a season of dashing and darting to get to your first class, and one must not forget, a season where the commencement of college parties takes place. We all know that the best thing about any college party is the conversations. With that being said, I present to you, bewildered freshman, the five conversations you’ll have at a Columbia party.
1) The Fate of the Night
Believe it or not, serious conversations occur all over Columbia. However, when at a party, no conversation is as serious as the “where shall we head to next?” conversation. This conversation can happen anywhere, so be prepared for your answer. Though this conversation is universal, it is most frequently heard on 110th street, right outside Westside Market. A wild, frenzied debate will take place on which direction the night should go in. Tired students will peel off to their dorm rooms or maybe even purchase a giant cookie. Students who love to dance to the song “Wagon Wheel” will head towards Cannons on 108th street. Those who aren’t in the mood to whip out their dance moves will find a comfortable corner at either Mel’s or 1020. As tiring as this particular conversation can get at times, it’s healthy to explore all the possible choices, all the infinite opportunities, and all the permutations of where the night could lead you!
2) Barnard’s Relationship to Columbia
I mean, how many times must one attempt to explain this complex relationship? During my freshman year NSOP, I fielded this question approximately 23 times. Different people will have very different responses, but, however you answer this query, prepare to answer it 22 more times!
3) Gossip
Hey, Upper West Siders, here’s some news for you. College kids gossip and dish, but it’s usually wrong 99.99% of the time. For example, spotted: B and S discussing Yeezy performing at Bacchanal 2016. Yeah right, ladies. So, whether it’s about a secret rendezvous, what Hewitt is serving for dinner, or whatever Becky said about your hair, you’ll probably find yourself caring for about two seconds before you get distracted by the next piece of breaking news — but, wait, guys, is Obama actually going to teach at Columbia?
4) The Love/Hate Relationship with NYC
It seems that must students have a love/hate relationship with New York City. On one hand, we love our Sunday brunches, great shopping, amazing food, and crazy nightlife, but the harsh winters, harsh people, and harsh ideals can sometimes be, well, harsh. The city is buzzing with opportunities, but sometimes work can be overwhelming, or a girl just needs her Netflix and sesame chicken. I mean who really goes past 96th street anyways? Just kidding. There is actually so much to do in the city — sushi-sake, sushi-sake, and sushi-sake.
5) How Stressed You/He/She/Everyone Is
College is, technically, all about learning. Unfortunately, at this fine institution learning involves 300 pages of reading, two lab projects, one creative writing piece, and an essay on quantum mechanics all due by tomorrow, or technically tonight at midnight. This exhausting workload can be is very stressful, and thus it is a subject we as students tend to talk about a lot — in the library, in the Milano’s line, in the Mel’s line, with the cute boy from your French class who is obviously hitting on you, etc. It’s like we just can’t stop ourselves. But, try to leave the stress at the door, if that’s even humanly possible.
So dust off your social skills and get ready for yet another fabulous year, full of intriguing conversations with your fellow peers. I sure hope to strike up a conversation, but I’ll probably just end up dancing to “Wagon Wheel” at Cannons.