I am by no means a huge football fanatic, but I, like most red-blooded Americans, love to watch the Super Bowl. It’s practically a national holiday. My friends and I spent all day properly observing the holiday, gearing up in orange and blue and binging on chicken wings and beer. Everything was going great, until the game actually started. What continued from then was an American Travesty.
1. Joe got so excited about his fabulous fur coat that he forgot how a coin toss works. Yes, that’s right, FORGOT HOW A COIN TOSS WORKS. My 4 year-old cousin knows how to toss a coin and she’s barely potty-trained. This is the big leagues Joe; we don’t have time for you and your shenanigans.
This is when we all should’ve just shut off the TV.
2. On the first snap of the game, the Broncos somehow forgot how to play football.
I think we were all as equally horrified as Peyton Manning at this point. Somehow, we thought the game could only get better from this point. But we were all horribly wrong.
3. Throughout the first half, the Broncos kept forgetting what football was. Namely Peyton Manning, who forgot that his team was in orange. Twice.
By the end of the first half, everyone was just confused as to whether they were watching the Super Bowl or their middle school team. Or, in our case, our college football team (you know what I’m talking about).
4. By then, we just all expected the halftime show to liven things up a little. Except it turned out to be super boring. Exactly how much did Bruno Mars get paid to just jump around the stage?
#unimpressed
Honestly, it didn’t matter who performed this year though, because anyone would have paled in comparison to Beyoncé’s performance last year.
5. At least the commercials at halftime will make up for everything, right? Wrong. Seriously, why were the commercials so boring this year? There were only like three that were worth watching.
6. After such a boring halftime, we were really ready for the game to start again. It only seemed right that the Broncos would make an amazing comeback and make the game exciting. Didn’t karma owe us for sticking it out this long? But then the first play of the second half went like this
7. The Seattle dominated so much that even Seahawks fans got bored with their success. The final score of the “game” was 43-8, if you can even call it a game.
Eli, we’re sad that the Super Bowl was boring too.