There are two times a year that cast the decision I made three years ago not to go through Panhellenic Sorority Recruitment under a vague haze of regret: fall and spring formals. We live in the Age of Social Media and will graduate as one of the first classes who have experienced college not only through real life, but also Facetuned and through the Valencia filter across multiple screens. Thus, one gets to experience the FOMO of not being at a formal the night of, the next day, and for weeks afterwards. So skip the agony and instead simply, (or not so simply,) get invited! Some tips:
1. Be hot!
Did I mention the importance of social media for the experience of a formal? That person in your class who dresses well even during finals week and has literally perfect hair? Spoiler alert: you’ll see them on your newsfeed in bodycon apparel come formals season. This piece of advice is not a call to change your physical appearance in order to score a formal invite – rather a call to internalize the idea that you’re hot and project confidence accordingly.
2. Be a really good friend!
This tip works particularly well if the person to whom you are being a really good friend has just gone through a breakup. One of MY really good friends once said, “Everyone cries at formals.” While I really have not made any effort to fact check this, it sounds like all those people could use shoulders to cry on, and if you’re a really good friend, you have a better chance of being chosen as said shoulder.
3. Be really, really fun.
From what I’ve gathered from Snapchat stories and Facebook uploads, formal buses are sloppy, formals themselves are sloppy, and formal dancing is sloppy. From what I’ve gathered from Freudian psychoanalysis, people use formals as a methods of releasing their repressed anxieties before the realities of finals roll through. Thus, if you’re like, really, really fun, and can increase the sloppiness and deluding fun of formals, you’re more likely to get asked.
If you aren’t hot, a good friend, and fun, then I’d suggest getting a hot/good/fun friend to set you up with someone else who is dateless.  If none of these options seem like they’re going to work for you, you could always make your cover photo an image for a Greek philanthropy event, plant images of yourself “throwing what you know” throughout the years on social media, convince your friend to pretend to be your little and take requisite pictures, hack onto the Google Doc, and simply walk into formal.
Whatever route you decide to take, I hope to see you on College Walk the night after the last day of classes as I take pictures with the best of them and flaunt emerald bodycon separates.  Please do not steal my outfit idea; I’m really excited.