Maybe She’s Born with It

It was in the sixth grade when I first asked my mother if I could buy mascara (that may already be telling in itself). I was so nervous to even ask that I had to whisper the word “mascara” like it was taboo. My mother said no so I walked myself to the nearest CVS and grabbed the unmistakable pink and green tube I had seen countless times in my monthly subscriptions of Seventeen and Teen Vogue. 

Sixth grade was already a prime year for tweenhood tempers, Limited Too apparel, periods, and budding insecurities, so the idea of altering my appearance in any way, shape or form seemed like an anxiety attack waiting to happen. The scrutiny, the judgments, the idea of having to wear makeup forever- it was all terrifying.

Valeria Lukyanova

Caption: Which is more terrifying: the fact that she wants to be real life Barbie or the fact that she barely blinks?

In high school, my close friends and I didn’t use makeup for the most part, but we were not blind to the world of foundation, smoky eyes, lip gloss, or eyelash curlers. We still read Cosmo. We learned what haircuts flattered our face shape, regardless of the fact that we continued to get the “same but shorter” hair cut again and again and again. 

We felt patronizingly sorry for the girls whose foundation melted off their faces after a sweaty lacrosse practice without really understanding why those girls showed up with a full face of makeup to a 9am Saturday practice in the first place. I couldn’t fathom any positive reason to wear makeup everyday. That being said, I didn’t start confidently using makeup until the beginning of this year. 

Perhaps this is all in retrospect, but when I used to put on makeup to go out, it wasn’t for me.  I wasn’t coerced into piling on mascara or anything, but I had always felt that makeup brought me from unsatisfactory to decent. 

‘Human Ken Doll’ says his look is ‘an art form’

Caption: Is treating my face like a blank canvas just another form of body dysmorphia? What’s an appropriate preoccupation with acceptance?

Human Ken Doll Cosmetic Surgery

Caption: Coming up next on Dr. Drew: Are enablers to blame? Is Justin just fearless? Is Dr. Drew actually a doctor? Full episode is only 25 minutes and you get to see his high school pre surgery pics. 

Is it if we look more presentable, we feel more presentable? Or are we just fishing for compliments? 

I Wear Lipstick Nearly Every Day

The bolder the more second looks or prolonged stares on the street. I’m sure some girls whisper the same way I used to gossip about that girl who wore heels to class, with a cheeky undertone that asks, “Who does she think she is?”

But isn’t that the important question?  Is makeup really this divide that separates the ingénues from those girls? Nobody says I have to take ten minutes out of my day to use liquid eyeliner or run back once, twice, three times to change outfits (happens). If these are the choices that make us feel happy, secure, confident, or daring even, why does it seem to judgment riff between us and them?

That “Who do you think you are” audacity, who is that really for?