You’ve made it through the nine circles of hell: the post-Homecoming hangover, midterms, the freak Halloweekend blizzard, the post-Thanksgiving hangover, more midterms (#premedproblems), a passionate love affair with Butler 209 that ended in a bitter break-up after functioning on coffee, finals, the New Year’s Day hangover, and January. After that horrific montage, you may be less than enthused about the return to college, but fear not because there’s something to look forward to every month this semester! Here’s a guide to get you through those days when your coffee spills, every printer in the Diana is jammed, and that one girl in your English class just won’t stop talking.
1. February: Valentine’s Day. Before you jump on the hate train because Valentine’s Day represents the vapid consumer culture brainwashing today’s society (#columbiasays), or start crying because you’re going to die alone with 7 cats, let me say this:
Valentine’s Day will suck if you approach it hating life, looking desperately for affection, or hoping your boyfriend will suddenly become Ryan Gosling. I really hate that couples are supposed to celebrate this day. Why do we have to love each other more on February 14 than we did on Monday? So whether you’re single or paired up, I encourage you to approach Valentine’s Day like any other holiday: as an excuse to throw a party and not do homework. It’s February, arguably the most depressing month of the year. You now have a legitimate reason to drink champagne on a Tuesday. Give your boyfriend (or lack thereof) a break, and go out with your friends who are (probably) prettier and more fun; eat chocolate, and go home with a stranger. (Maybe not the last one if you have a boyfriend.)
2. March: Spring Break. If you’re not going anywhere, you still have no school for a week. If you’re headed for Cabo, Punta Cana, or Miami, I suggest a first-aid kit and bail money (kidding…kind of). Seriously though, Spring Break is awesome because you usually end up in the same place as students from other (fun) schools, but there’s no school involved! You may possibly encounter: trip friends, pictures with trip friends that you will depend on to determine what happened to you, happy hour from 10AM-4AM, 2nd degree sunburns, club hookups, drunk crying, drunk bike riding, and enough stories to help you survive your third round of midterms. Just try not to let too much of this happen http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQhgT8Hh9Ec.
3. April: Bacchanal.
Every year there’s a huge outdoor concert on Columbia’s campus. The artists are kept secret until about a week before the show. 2011: Das Racist and Snoop Dogg, preceded by 2010’s appeal to the indie masses, Of Montreal (fear not plebeians, Wiz Khalifa was there too). Bacchanal is like spring semester’s answer to Homecoming, except, dare I say, better? Not everyone cares about football, but everyone (I think) likes music. Also it’s on campus, and it’s warm again, meaning that we mole people have no excuse not to come out of our holes Butler. Bacchanal is kind of Columbia’s last hurrah before finals, so it’s like a united front of fun, and how often does that happen on this campus? Also did I mention, it’s warm again?
4. April 20. Statistically 4/20 is a beautiful day for weather, year after year, so expect lots of outdoor activities, like bake sales.
Spring semester is good vibes all around. In addition to all of the above, the weather is (eventually) going to get warmer; we can sit on the lawns again; pale complexions will start to tan, and I find that people are just generally happier. I’m not hating on fall semester, but if it did discourage you, spring is a new start. Don’t look back. Now, get a new coffee, find a different printer, and tell that girl in your English class no one cares that she read Foucault in her free time…twice. Start getting appropriately excited kids, spring semester is here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JQjzExX2evo.