Ways to Handle (or Avoid) Difficult Conversations at Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is often deemed a time when we’re meant to reflect on what we’re grateful for. In between annual traditions of watching parades and preparing large platters of food comes a consistent aspect of family gatherings: difficult conversations. Religion, politics, and relationships are topics that commonly arise at the table, resulting in arguments and resentment. College students, after having tasted freedom states away, often come home to questions like: “What are you really going to do with that degree?” or “Did you get another piercing?” 

Below are a couple of ways to deal with these moments that occur during most holiday seasons:

Practice Breathing Exercises

It’s scientifically proven that breathing exercises help to mitigate stress and reduce anxiety — a useful tool when dealing with relatives during the holiday season. Before engaging with people, find a quiet place to do deep breathing for a couple of minutes. 

Research. Research. Research.

Remember the 5 P’s: Proper Preparation Prevents Poor Performance. 

Conducting proper research is a valuable skill that any given student has practiced regardless of their choice of study. Use your research and media literacy skills to prepare pointers before arguing with relatives. Doing so will result in more productive and level-headed conversations. 

Bonus points if you create a powerpoint presentation. 

Learn the Art of Deflecting

Does your aunt have the tendency to bring up your post-collegiate career plans? Do your parents constantly ask about your dating life? Do your second cousins (twice removed) rudely question your liberal arts major? 

Luckily, you have several options for dealing with these questions:

1. Answer truthfully
2. Decline to answer at all
3. Lie

All of these options have problematic consequences. If you always answer, you sacrifice privacy and people will continue to ask uncomfortable questions. If you don’t answer, you’ll be seen as rude; lastly, lying to your family and friends is never ideal. Fortunately, there is a fourth option: deflecting. Deflecting is, simply put, changing the direction of a conversation. Try subtly changing the subject or diverting attention away from you. For example, make it known that you’re interested in what’s going on in their life and talk about that instead. 

Avoid Your Family Members

Who says you have to stick around after indulging in turkey? 

If based on previous experiences none of the steps above work, excuse yourself from the table for a “moment” after dinner. Spend the rest of the night doing something you enjoy like binge watching another season of Gilmore Girls. 

Happy Thanksgiving!