I’ve always felt like society made it pretty clear early on into our adolescence that it was necessary to lose our so-called “virginity”. As a teenager in high school whose friends all had boyfriends at one point or another, I definitely remember feeling that pressure to fit in – as if I was abnormal for, so to speak, “losing my innocence” just yet.
Now that I am in my twenties, I notice that the pressure upon those my age who have not yet experienced intercourse before has calmed. I’d like to believe that we’ve matured as we’ve gotten older, or maybe enough people have lost their virginity that it is no longer exciting to talk about, but what about for those who haven’t?
It seems as though the less it’s talked about, the less virgins we hear of. From those I’ve spoken to who either have never been in relationships or who just never found the right person they felt comfortable enough to sleep with, it may seem like they are the only ones left. The last standing virgins.
My friend Megan who is twenty-two and who classifies herself as a virgin had told me, “When all of your friends have done it and you’re the only one and you hear stories, you just want to experience it for yourself.” She disclosed that she has definitely felt the pressure to just have sex with someone and get it over with in the past, and still feels some of that pressure today.
In reality, there are many who are in their twenties and who have never had sex. And it’s completely normal. The problem in my opinion is the stigma towards those who have not “lost” it yet. Yet the mere concept of “losing one’s virginity” is what’s really lost on me.
What even is a virginity? What is considered sex? Is it penetration? And is it the same for same-sex relationships? If no one had an orgasm, is it still considered sex? The questions are endless.
When I had asked Megan if she ever feels uncomfortable telling people that she is a virgin, she shared with me her personal thoughts on the matter: “Yeah I have. But only to people I don’t necessarily trust. If I’m telling a guy I don’t trust and I feel he’s going to judge me then yes. And with girls, I feel like I might be judged, but I’ve also had situations in the past where they’ve asked me a lot of questions – which I really don’t like. A lot of people tell me to just ‘get it over with’ but I don’t want to. I’d rather it be with someone who I genuinely like because it’s more of an emotional thing for me and I don’t want to just do it with anyone.”
Yet virginity is really just a constructed word whose definition is extremely ambiguous. So why are we all so obsessed with this word at such an early age? The truth is: it doesn’t really matter. As long as someone feels comfortable with who they’re with, and realistically, if they’re having a good time, then they shouldn’t feel this pressure to do anything they don’t want to do.
With that being said, there are no virgins left because the concept of virginity doesn’t actually exist. And even if it did, it really shouldn’t even matter.