I don’t know how to start this. I don’t know what I can say to ease the hearts of so many mourning over the death of this brilliant, life-changing artist by the name of Lil Peep. I don’t know if I can do him justice, but I will try as hard as I can even though I’m fully aware of the fact that words can’t possibly describe the impact Gus Ahr (Lil Peep) has had on my life in such a short period of time. Either way, here it goes.
Ahr was only 21. Twenty-one years young. That’s what he was, young. But this young, aspiring, hard-working, insanely talented person had his own demons that worked their hardest to make him feel alone and broken. Sometimes, they got the best of him and sometimes, he succeeded at temporarily quieting them. He was depressed. He was so unbelievably sad, much like those who continue to try our best at coping with all that accompanies life.
If you really want to know what it is I’m talking about, all you need to do is focus on the lyrics of his music and the meaning that lies behind his tweets. He didn’t shy away from the fact that he was in pain. He made it obvious because he accepted hurting as a way of being, as a way of living. For that, I look up to him. I envy his bravery.
During this time, it might be hard for some to admit what I’ve just said. And I understand. It’s truly heartbreaking to acknowledge that someone you love, someone as brilliant as Ahr, someone as fearless as Lil Peep, and someone as inherently good could possibly be suffering so intensely. As unfortunate as it is, it’s the truth.
I won’t get into his death. I won’t get into how he died and I won’t get into his love-hate relationship with substances, because it doesn’t change anything, but also because Lil Peep deserves more. He’s worthy of being missed. He’s worthy of being appreciated for all that he has left behind.
I decided to dedicate this to him because as a fan, I’m grieving. I’ve never grieved over the death of any other artist or celebrity. But Lil Peep was and is different. This is going to sound weird to some of you, but I know that those who were fans of him will understand me when I say that this loss is one that hits close to home. I didn’t know Ahr but I felt like I did, I still feel like I do. His music touched me in ways I would have never imagined; he had the ability to make me feel sad and happy, insecure and confident, and hopeful and hopeless all at the same time. And that in itself is life-changing. His words, his beats, all of it and all of him was transcending so many barriers. He was able to make you feel something so complex, a motley of emotions, in a single moment in time.
Lil Peep was paving the way for a new wave of music, a completely hybrid genre. The New York Times described his music as “a middle ground between hip-hip bluster and emo’s bulked-up anxiety, a blend that feels eminently of the moment, and inevitable.” I could not have said it any better myself. The outpour of grief and love that has been displayed prior to and after his death speaks to his overwhelming influence and talent.
And let me just for one second admit something that I personally regret and always will—I only learned of Ahr’s existence after his passing. What I mean to say is that I was introduced to him, I felt love for him, after his tragic death. For that, I will always be hard on myself. I wish that I had known of him earlier, I wish I could have seen him in concert, and I wish I could’ve reached out to him. He has changed me forever. His music has changed me forever. And for that, I owe him my life. I sincerely mean that.
You’ve left a hole in our hearts. We will always love you and you will always be remembered.
Rest in peace. Rest in paradise, Gus Ahr.