Why is Eating Alone a Stress-Inducing Situation in Student’s Lives?
I think most people can relate to experiencing at least one day in elementary, middle, and or high school when the lunch bell rang and you nervously made your way to the cafeteria, anxious to discover whether they would recognize familiar faces. My tactic was to try to find at least one person who had the same lunch period as me so that we could conquer the lunch room as a unit, doubling our chances of recognizing a group of friends. As the years continued I became more apt at this and more comfortable approaching a group that I was not as friendly with. My ego got to me as I entered college and encountered an entirely different dining experience.
During the (brutal may I say so myself) days of orientation, I clung to my roommates as guaranteed breakfast, lunch, and dinner buddies, dreading the prospect of eating alone. Gradually I floated away from this social norm of always eating with someone. I confidently went to the dining hall alone for breakfast, looking forward to catching up on my social media accounts and scrolling through The New York Times. If I recognized someone I would ask if I could join them (in an effort to be more “social”). In some ways, though, I enjoyed my time alone and almost preferred eating my yogurt or cereal in solitude.
This was a virtue and a vice. On the one hand, I was more confident grabbing lunch or dinner alone, but the more I fell into this habit the greater my sense of loneliness grew. I frantically texted my friends for each meal asking if anyone want to join for lunch or dinner – still having the ability to eat breakfast alone – and relieved when at least one person answered yes, devastated when no one could and I was back where I started months ago: facing the dining hall alone. What would be people think of me as I ate my lunch or dinner by myself? Would they think I am a loner and loser who has no friends? Would they laugh amongst themselves about my loneliness while they had a designated group to always eat together? Or would they not notice or care at all and it was all in my head?
Regardless, my self-esteem and happiness plumuted by the close of the year. However, after a transforming summer abroad, I returned to college filled with a newfound confidence. I pushed myself to sit down at a table with friends instead of eating alone. I pushed myself to text more friends to grab dinner. I pushed myself to be okay with the prospect of eating alone. Afterall, happiness comes with being comfortable with yourself before being comfortable with others.
This is not to say that I still don’t feel self-conscious when I walk into a dining hall on my own. Of course I do, I’m only human. While this “epidemic” may appear as something only you have to experience, the reality is that more students than you think feel the same, even if it appears to be the opposite. In the Huffington Post article “For College Kids: How to Eat Alone in the Dining Hall” posted on April 5, 2011 by Meg. F Schneider, she states that “the idea that there are a stream of dinner companions and endless bright mealtime conversations, is a fantasy.” Schneider makes the argument that eating alone is difficult “because of what you assume others are thinking.” She goes on to provide tips on how to improve eating alone in the dining hall, such as bringing a book or magazine and using mind tricks to lower the feeling of loneliness. Schneider most compelling claim is that a group of friends eating together may not necessarily be enjoying themselves and someone within this group may in fact be envious of you. This statement is comforting because it reminds us that what you seen, whether in person or online, is not always the truth.
In another article, “I Find Solitude Comforting, But Is It Good for Me” by Hannah-Rose Yee published by Man Repeller – a website which, if you are not already religiously reading, you should definitely start ASAP – on October 3, 2018, Yee describes her transition from two large cities: Australia to London. A lull in friends led her to see movies at the cinema by herself perhaps too often as she claims. In the article Yee mentions that “almost half of all American adults have reported feeling sometimes or always alone” and that “the loneliest age group…was also the youngest: post millennials aged 18-22.” This statistic includes most college-aged students, making solitude a communal feeling felt by many, even it is seems that you are alone in this feeling.
The social pressures of school force students to constantly stress about how we are perceived by others. We cannot avoid this feeling, but we can work to better cope with it. I suggest that we embrace eating and doing things alone: don’t be ashamed! Eating with others is just as important as eating on your own. Eventually we will outgrow the college environment and will be faced with ourselves.
P.S. I took a break from writing this article by grabbing lunch on my own, #no regrets!